Matty Rain was scheduled to get laid last night

[Matty]

She likes to puke.

 

[roguejuror]

what? now we are talking

 

[Matty]

Boys, #8 is on deck.

Reached first base with Nose Stud Girl, and we're getting another at-bat next week. T'was a good night, in a major-blue-balls kinda way.

We keep on trucking.

 

[roguejuror]

I thought she was leaving to British Columbia?

 

[stevek173]

Reached first base with Nose Stud Girl, and we're getting another at-bat next week. T'was a good night, in a major-blue-balls kinda way.

We keep on trucking.

 

[Matty]

I thought she was leaving to British Columbia?

Nah, turns out she's driving up to see family in Ontario, some 90 minutes away. She's here for at least an extra week and she's not working.

I didn't even get one-on-one time last night - she did not understand that I was asking her out on a date*** and we had to join a big group who wanted to party before her vacation. Popular and very odd girl... major self-esteem issues, has never been seen with a guy ("no one ever got anywhere with Nose Stud Girl man, forget it") and is afraid to turn into a crazy cat lady soon.

Most offbeat girl ever (and may I remind you that I wrestled a steel-toed chick outside a bar, at 3am, not long ago.)

Anyhoo. I kissed her goodnight and she said she'd drive down next week for an actual one-on-one date.

Sure, whatever, that could be nice. I'm not desperately trying to get in your pants. I'm cool.

This city keeps on delivering the lolz.



[***conversation between me and a coworker who's known the girl for years:

Him-Nose Stud Girl is very naive. She's not normal.
Me-Dude, she knows what she's doing, she's been stringing me along all week. We had agreed to go out on a date tonight, then she brought me here.
Him-If you didn't use the word "date" she has no idea what you were trying to do.
Me-Fok off.
Him-Go ask her.

He was right. She apologized, blushed and proposed a date for next week.]

 

[roguejuror]

lol

how old is she?

 

[Matty]

29. Never left home. Is convinced that no guy wants her.

She's by far the hottest chick I know. By a fokken mile.

This whole thing makes zero sense.

 

[roguejuror]

You ain't fukkin her

 

[rito]

Does she sleep in the same bed with her mother?

 

[roguejuror]

 

[Matty]

You ain't fukkin her

I think it's a coin-flip proposition at this point. Might well turn out to be a waste of time. I enjoy a challenge.

Plus, I'm being coached by roughly a dozen guys who failed before me. Without them I would've never kissed her - I had basically written her off as a manipulator once she asked me to go drink with our coworkers instead of going out on our own.

I feel like the Karate Kid.

 

[Matty]

Does she sleep in the same bed with her mother?

Something like that. Her Mom is guilting her into staying home. Can't let go of her baby daughter. Who's starting to have eye wrinkles.

Does Mrs. Durito really do that?

 

[roguejuror]

flip her world matty, gambler's style

 

[Matty]

Ima give it my best shot. I've been playing it perfectly up to now. First base was already a unique feat, apparently (!)

I like to kiss. Ask tacomax.

 

[roguejuror]

I kissed taco as well, on the lips.

She's ripe for evolution

 

[Matty]

 

[rito]

Something like that. Her Mom is guilting her into staying home. Can't let go of her baby daughter. Who's starting to have eye wrinkles.

Does Mrs. Durito really do that?

Mrs. Durito and baby durito sleep in the same bed with sg often.