Dear narcissistic bi-polar hipster people in their Facebook bubble.
1) I know it's raining, I freaking walked outside/looked out the window, but thanks for letting me know because apparently I'm a freaking idiot and didn't know that it was rain falling from the sky. I thought someone left a sprinkler on the roof and it was spraying Diet Sprite all over the ground, thanks for clarifying that for me.
2) I don't care if it's snowing and you're excited to/for pow pow. I dont know what excited to/for pow pow means; does it mean you can go skiing sooner, you like shoveling snow, you enjoy freezing your balls off, you hate the rest of society and want to shoot people, thats the noise you make when you masturbate while watching Warren Miller films, or you wanna make it with an Indian (feather not dot). I dont like snow, its cold, wet, and I cant wear shorts when that stuff is falling from the sky. Im happy for you that you can afford to ski/snowboard in pow pow, however, the rest of us have to work (if were lucky enough to still have a job) while youre pow powing. Enjoy your pow pow, coke head.
3) I get you love the IPhone5 and how cool it is. We now know you like ass backwards technology; you think you're cooler than everyone else because you stood in line to get one, and you can't wait for the IPhone6 - got it. Now, do us all a favor, STFU already about it, its a phone that cant make phone calls go ahead try.
4) Yes, you're in super-duper shape in your fancy nut-hugging bike/lycra outfit you wore to RAGNARTOURDESOLEILIRONMANATHONEXTREME 10!!, and sorry for driving on the road that was MADE FOR CARS, and that I didn't hug the yellow line so I can wreck on to oncoming traffic, so that you and the rest of your pedaling crew can channel your inner ArmSTRONG. You sluts move, cars always win. Youre riding a bicycle, something a billion Chinese people do every day to go to work, youre not special.
5) Audi's are the gayest of German cars, buy a Benzo.
6) I get it, youre sad. Get over it. Youre on Facebook, thats 10,000,000,000 time less sad than most everyone on this poor ass planet. Indians (dot and feather) are starving every day. Eat a hamburger, its only a dollar, you can afford that panacea, most Indians cant.
7) It's spelled LOSE not LOOSE. You are whats preventing you from succeeding, so just move out of your way, and youll be a success. Thats how I did it.
8) Got it, you like Obama and hate Romney; show that Romney tax-cheater what you really think of him - tell everyone you know to cast their VOTE FOR Obama on November 19th. There you win.
9) If you don't know WTF you're talking about when it comes to ANY TOPIC and a movie serves as your main argument points; that's okay because the book isn't always as good as the movie anyways.
10) Driving a Subaru and Prius with your "Green Sticker" doesn't save the Earth any more than me driving my diesel truck to go to work. Because unlike your active ass, I dont drive 200 miles to the forest and back so I can ride my bicycle. I drive my truck to haul shit like bricks, wood, and tools to go build things like schools, hospitals, and Apple Stores; where you can stand in the rain/snow to buy your fancy IPhone, that you can take skiing in pow pow in your new Lycra ski outfit thats waiting in the trunk of your Subaru, that sadly you have to deal with because you havent gotten a promotion to get the car you really want that new awesome Audi Quattro. Eat a Happy Meal, be happy, and think about other people for once in your semi-charmed life.
Rant over: I win, you LOOSE.
and I thought this was pretty funny as well as him shouting out of nowhere "What do I want?!"
