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I THOUGHT it would be Nicky and I was ready to settle down there, and every second I think about that whole situation it makes me want to


Because she was my little one. I loved her so much and I would've taken care of her, always. I really would have.

But that's the past.

You have to accept the present and the future.

And I know it could be great.

That whole Nicky situation I cannot even explain. But yes, it's over.

And the present is alright, and the future could be

 
I would give anything to kneel in front of her and apologize.

Her position was actually respectable and I do very deeply hope she's happy. Squeak is still a piece of shit but yes he won that. Sneaky loser, very sneaky fucking loser. You pussy ass sneaky as fuck fucking loser. Pizza is delicious but yes, you are a FUCKING loser Matt is cool though, I get it. I roll with MUCH cooler Matts. I don't care who you know up in state I know more and I know REAL power there you pathetic white trash fucking loser. So I'll swing by here and there or pay someone to make him piss his pants yet again. You didn't even help me with the TV you lazy fucking burnout.

And so that's life. It's gone.

We move on.
 
Squeak sees actual semiprofessional volleyball strength and tries not to cry for what he did as he smokes a cig and talks about lame TV shows. Dude we scrape snow off the court and dive into streetlight poles just to feel something.

You have no idea man. You have no idea about J. That's late night drinking and fighting each other for fun. Shoe. The Whitty boys - oh yeah burnout - that's state real estate shit combined with some of the best fighters in the world. I hook them up with deals. They love me. You feel like doing something illegal to me? The hockey crew. The kooks (much love to them, always). We are sneaky because we aren't pussies.

And I'm sorry but have I partied and grown up with some of the best lawyers in the state you fucking faggot?

So, nothing is going to happen.

Let me apologize to her as you walk (you're such a little baby inside and out I call it a crawl)

away, and you're good.

 
The beautiful people here. The people in my hometown. Let's not forget the city. And of course let's not forget the Burgh where someone might have owned a football team. And of course let's not forget my family, Brother who makes over six and yup both parents over 80 years combined government. But if I weren't squeak I wouldn't worry about it. I'm only fairly local, and I have other things to do.

Squeak, shake it off man.

You're good.

















at nothing.
 
Actually laying low today. That Nicky stuff hit me hard yesterday in the middle of a session. It's ok because I did win which is cool.

But it did hit.

I'm really just still in love with her. And I cannot do anything about it.

If I get the chance to apologize then I can let it go because I did sabotage it with alcohol. I didn't. I'm just SO sorry. I had a ton of things going on coming out of it with the other Nikki and your Mother actually read the whole thing all along. You are both smarter than me, which isn't that tough.

So, I love you with all of my heart and I am so, so sorry. And by the way fuck that other person and her wannabe gangster shit. She's alright but she keeps that shit up and she will 1) run into REAL gangster shit or 2) end up in the clink and not be able to see her babies and I deeply want her to be able to do both of your things. So whoever that is put that knife down. You burnt yourself, I didn't burn you. You bring that Kentucky shit on me with no warning. You hang out at the bar with whoever and almost get me into fights as I'm trying to loan officer for 60+ hours a week. Behind the back shit. NO excuse. You have are cute but sneaky. I don't do sneaky. I told your boyfriend he was cool and I meant it, I don't do other peoples girls anymore. Enjoy yourselves JTown and stay the FUCK out of trouble and stay the FUCK away from me because I can very easily be trouble for you and I know you know it. So shhhhhhhhhhh it's ok.

So anyway.

Weather looks alright.

Debating a haircut.
 
This is also for JTown, lol.


Love.

I'll make you alright I promise. Don't be scared. You're cool and you're part of the family here, you really are, and I know a lot of things happened but it's ok gorgeous. Gimme time. I'll make you feel alright.

Lol at that, right. That was cool too and so is that little burgh, I ain't got nothin to say about any of them. I fucked up that place and they let it go, which worked out for everyone.

I will make you feel alright though in time.
 
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And so have you ever watched one of those nature shows right, where the mother gets killed and the kids run around confused, not knowing what to do. Of course I know how to get food and do things in the real world, but there is this instinct in my mind that just feels that. Like, what would I actually do if I woke up tomorrow and she was gone. I know it's coming too and I just don't know how to answer that question. She's always been there. She was the best and so was he, they both have been. She's always so happy to see me and I never understood why so happy until now. It's because we are all going to eventually die and time is limited, and who knows where we're going.

Just scared as fuck. Not sure what else to say. My eyes move a mile per minute now at anything that I could see as a threat because I am facing this. I'm mostly never mad at anyone, I am just so fucking scared. And so, so fucking tired of a billion thoughts per day. fucking tired. Fear. I am a child that is used to being protected and won't be soon.

And I guess in the end God or whoever is in charge depending on what you do or don't believe is doing it. And I'm just another animal

I guess, that's what's true.
 
Blitty are you saying that I should have Cami and Nicky hook up in a hotel room?

Because I might be able to pull that off. Cami's boyfriend can watch and have a great time because he is cool, whatever they want is on me. Nicky's FAGGOT BITCH SQUEAK can eat shit out of a shit in garbage can then smoke weed and try to say "haha that was so funny, right?" and we can all laugh along and at then he and I can go for a walk. Maybe he and I will play one on one wiffleball, I was told I was ok at that. I bet he's better.

That all sounds fun.

Blitty let me know man.

TEXT IT.
 
And so last night's disaster all started with me drinking way, way too much and I know the reason is to hide from the pain about my Mom from myself. It doesn't work, it just doesn't but the truth is I cannot just burst out crying at the tables like I do at home when I think about it. And so I need to drink less and face the pain, and that's just how that has to be and it starts today. Everyone can see the fucked up bags under my eyes from crying about this shit and it's embarrassing, because if a woman cries everyone wants to make her feel better but if a man does it no one wants to see that shit, because we are protectors and that's showing weakness (unless you're Pete Sampras).

And so that's that.

Somehow this fucker made it work for him. That's fucking amazing.

 
For the record about Cami I understand everything (even the knife to the throat) EXCEPT borrowing $300 from me then lying to your boyfriend and saying you didn't so you wouldn't have to pay back. Sorry - that's fucking trashy as fuck. So now everyone knows, asshat. I wasn't even going to ask you for the money back.

So to me your boyfriend is cool, but because of that white trash move - you aren't.

Girl you need to get your fucking shit together or you will be in the clink (no I won't be the one to put you there - I'm no snitch, bitch) and you won't be able to see your kids in the clink.

So fucking stop with the sneaky shit. If you keep that up you will run into people doing the REAL sneaky shit and that would be over quick. People run much more serious shit than you and unlike you that have REAL money and friends EVERYWHERE. SO the nickname trouble? Up to you. Keep it up with that shit and I will guarantee you REAL trouble will find YOU.

You have the capability to be sweet but no one likes a sneak, liar, or a thief. It's fucking pathetic and you need to make your daughters your priority. It looks like you have a decent job now and things are moving forward but stay the FUCK out of trouble. And stop snitching on people too. Just an fyi.

Clean it up woman, grow the fuck up.

Good talk. No, it wasn't though, thief.
 
Also your best friend? She ain't pretty enough to pull off the bitch shit. Only tens can do that and she's like a 4 on a good day.

Feel free to let her know I said that too.

It's is FUCKING pathetic.

Cami I hope you had a LOT of fun with that $300 that you just NEEDED to steal and lie about. even after I paid you how many thousands in severance and someone even bought you a very nice laptop. Bet that really feels worth it now. I hope someone catches you doing the absolutely retarded shit you do that you think is slick. It isn't and you are pretty sexy but you make dumber decisions than anyone I have ever seen..

Hey - hope you're enjoying that new tv you bought with my money, though.
 
But yeah you ain't gonna run your mouth either cause you know I got squads everywhere. Friends and people I pay to run errands for me. I'm sure it's running out for Cheeze Its.

You can pay the person who bought you that laptop that three by month's end and I ain't asking, bitch.

Thanks in advance, two faced bitch snitch.
 
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