When I first got clean and sober in 1990, I went to 12 step meetings. I was able to make it work because I was just that desperate and I decided I had to make it work. They were staying sober, I had failed every way imaginable - I couldn't see any other chance to have a life. I didn't focus on ways they needed to change; I needed to look at myself.
And I did. I made it work. I compromised and tolerated and forgave. I started a life.
Now when I relapsed and tried to get back on track in the late 90's, I found the 12 step meetings very difficult to take. The reasons are complex but anyway, I feel very fortunate that a secular group had started up in my area. They are out there. Lifering, Rational Recovery, SOS. But they're not absolutely everywhere by any stretch. I don't understand why they aren't more popular and growing.
Anyway, I got lucky with that.