joke thread

[xpansive]

Funniest thing I've watched in months 😂😂

https://twitter.com/x/status/1152370906213310466

 

[xpansive]

What does a soviet optimist say?

"It can't get any worse"...

 

[xpansive]

From now on I identify as Michael Jackson.

My pronouns are "He He"

 

[Matty]

I chuckled.

 

[xpansive]

What's the difference between trump and the democrats?

Trump keeps winning and winning whilst the Dems keep whining and whining.

 

[Matty]

Hey, that's fonny.

 

[roguejuror]

Hey, that's fonny.

I liked the whilst part

 

[xpansive]

Continuing current theme...

Son: "Dad, what does "losing" mean"?

Dad: "I don't know son, i'm a Trump supporter"...

 

[xpansive]

Why does trump not wear glasses?

Because he already has 2020

 

[Matty]

Heh, we're getting somewhere.

 

[CASPERWAIT$]

What's the worse thing you can do to a blind person? Leave a plunger in the toilet - Louis CK

Hellen Keller joke from way before Louis CK was relevant. Actually in the book “Truly Tasteless Jokes” circa 1985

 

[xpansive]

Old Joe Biden had a farm... 3 0 3 3 0

 

[xpansive]

'm still waiting for the Italian government to give me reparations for my ancestors enslavement by the Roman Empire.

 

[xpansive]

What's the greatest source of suicide in the US today?

Having dirt on the clintons..

 

[xpansive]

Chicken Alfredo anyone?

 

[Mudcat]

Why can't you hear a pterodactyl in the bathroom?

Because the p is silent.

 

[Mudcat]

 

[xpansive]

Joe Biden won't be the democratic candidate for the 2020 election.

I think Elizabeth warren edges him out by a scalp..