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Is your father ashamed of you?

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Is my dad ashamed of me?

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I guess I fall into the realm of people that cannot just click one of those categories above. Is my father ashamed of me? I don't think so....not as much as I have heard or understand. I haven't said a word to my father in about 8 years now. My father was never around when I was growing up as my mother and him split up when I was about 2 years old. He wasn't a very good husband anyway so it was probably for the best. He cheated on my mother and beat her...great guy. He ended up marrying the woman he cheated on my mother with...and this woman also had 2 children. From that point on those boys were much more his children than me and my sister. I always resented him for it but never really understood it because I was just too young to understand how a good father is supposed to be. It was a bit hurtful when I would go over there for holidays like Christmas when i was 7 years old, his step son (who was the same age) would open about 50 gifts and I would get one. I know that is material and it shouldn't have bothered me but I was 7...what was I to know.

Anyway, I got to an age when I realized that he wasn't the father he should have been. Probably about 15 years old or so...I accepted and moved on. He tried to stay in my life, but pulling the same old shit. Only called once every 6 months...yadda yadda. So when i was in college, I made a deal with myself. I had decided that I was going to sit down and tell him that he was a shitty father, I was going to have it out with him. I was going to let him know what he could have done growing up to make my childhood better. I am not really sure what I was expecting but I thought to myself, if I say these things and he can acknowledge that he was even a little sorry....take a little ownership over the way he was. I would be able to forgive him and have a relationship with him. He refused.....he was in complete and utter denial. At the end of the conversation I had to go, I was on my way to class. I told him if he ever wanted to talk about it more I would be more than happy to talk but I really had to go to class as that was the reason i was in college. He has my cell phone number and it hasn't called since.

My sister mended her relationship years ago, mostly because she always had a stronger relationship with him as she was older. Not to mention she wants him to be a part of her children's lives. She tells me that just about every time she speaks with him, he asks how I am doing. She always tells him that I am doing well and that he should call, but he says that he is afraid that i won't take his call. Will i? Not sure....i have told her, I would be willing to put it all behind me if the first few things out of his mouth are "I am sorry". But she said he will never do that, I guess I know I will never have a relationship with him again...which is fine, which I have come to grips with and I think has made me better because of it.

So is my father ashamed of me? I guess not...but then again, how could he be? I am just a stranger to him at this point.
 
I wasn't one of my dad's favorite people. He wasn't one of mine. We were cordial, but he let me know how disappointing I was to him in between beers. He's dead now. I felt bad for my mom more than I felt bad that he died. He's the reason that I swore off kids.
 
Thanks guys...It is one of those double edge swords...I hate the fact that my father isn't/wasn't a bigger part of my life but I also think that I wouldn't be where I am today had things been different. I think that I am fairly successful for my age and not sure that would have been the case if he was around. I think I always wanted to do well in spite of him....rather than having an excuse for failure.
 
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Thanks guys...It is one of those double edge swords...I hate the fact that my father isn't/wasn't a bigger part of my life but I also think that I wouldn't be where I am today had things been different. I think that I am fairly successful for my age and not sure that would have been the case if he was around. I think I always wanted to do well in spite of him....rather than having an excuse for failure.
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Solid...I've always admired you...you seem to have it together...good personality...able to land the broads.

In terms of your post. I've had client's with similar histories ... abused kids whose adult parents don't know why they are soo mad at them. You seemed to have made it through it without becoming a prick (many would have). Realize your pops knows the truth...wife beater/cheater....not my place to judge though the way he treated you (i.e Christmas) makes me want to break his neck. In the end...he was that way undoubtedly because of the way he was treated when he was growing up...I'm sure getting remarried didn't change a thing.

Glad you were able to be strong and move on....not blame others.
 
RogueScholar
How ironic that Mudcat, one of the most respected posters anywhere, shares a name connection with a pizza-delivering degenerate who has to rank among the least respected posters in forumville.
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The sad thing is that the latter is nowhere near being the least respected. Lots of people defend the guy, including our own Cougar Bait.

We need that guy to chime in on the topic at hand.
 
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