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Aging

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So my brother is going to die. We all are of course but I mean imminently.

Not looking to trigger a bunch of sympathy posts, just gabbing.

His lung cancer treatment has not worked - chemo and radiation - the cancer has spread. It's clearly in his throat and he has difficulty speaking and swallowing. He had a feeding tube inserted yesterday.

He's never going home. He has stopped all aggressive treatments and is waiting it out. 2-3 months is an estimate. He is in the hospital and should have one last move to a palliative facility - I believe I am using that term correctly - a place where they keep you as comfortable as possible - and that's it.

If I come across as even and unemotional, I guess I am at this second but there have been tidal waves.

:fok:
 
cancer does suck

I can understand the unemotional parts, muddy.

brother-brother relationships are not always so cut and dry.

I have an 8 year older brother dealing with a weird skin cancer that spread into lymph nodes and elsewhere, complicated by the fact he is an organ donation recipient. and its not looking good.

he was a black sheep and borderline abusive to us when we grew up.

got screwed up on drugs and kicked out of house at 19 after coming home to live with us after flunking out of college due to excessive drugs and drinking. the police were called many times due to big fights between him and my dad. It was tough shit to deal with as an 11 year old.

he got his life together slowly over the next decade with alot of help from my parents.

but as an adult. I myself have maybe spent 3-4 hrs talking with him over the past 20+ years.

its weird. I know he's a decent dude now.... he really is...

but he's basically a stranger

I can't conjure up emotions i'm supposed to have for a stranger

but there is a guilt and sadness there. but lying deep down underneath
 
My brother and I have drifted a bit since I got clean and sober, but we were close as can be growing up and for a long time.

He's older (16 months) but we are basically the same age. I don't have any stories of him imparting his wisdom and experience on me. We were just always doing the same shit. Our childhood years were one endless game - with Harry and Rob Gerber down the street. Road hockey turns to pee wee football turns to tennis. Monopoly, Risk, Hot Wheels. We were fiends on our bikes. Dirty little bastards splashing around in every mudpuddle.

Then we got older and the games continued but drinking and smoking were added. And that was fun as hell for a long time too.

Until it wasn't, I guess.

Yes, this is the brother I have complained about many times having to spend 4+ hours on the road for every family get-together because he hasn't driven in ages and I have to chauffeur him.

:fok:
 
His outward mood is fine. All he wanted to talk about yesterday was disposition of his stuff. We have to clean out his apartment.

We have never been guys who get really emotional together. Not a lot of touchy-feely stuff. Funny: I was talking to an old mutual friend on Facebook and he said I should give Al a kiss on the forehead for him.

That would be just about the most unnatural thing in the history of the world.

Not that kind of relationship. Not saying it's good, bad or indifferent - just the way things are. I guess it comes from my dad which comes from his dad and whatever.

But his mood is pretty upbeat all things considered.
 
I missed Archie's post. Sorry to hear Archie. I don't think I could deal with that kind of news very well. Losing my siblings will be more difficult than losing my parents for me.

Muddy remember that even if you complained a little about it here (which he doesn't know,) you did pick him up and take him all those holiday dinners. I'm sure he appreciates that more than you know. That was no small deal.
 
You know what makes me crazy? The thing about him is he has always been so gentle and good-natured. He has had a lot of bad habits and not always been responsible, but he is fundamentally gentle and good-natured.

What drives me crazy is that I, cursed with an exceptionally vivid memory as I am, can remember lots of times I was mean to him. Talking about just as little kids. Stupid stuff. But I remember little interactions and I was cruel and shitty.

But then I think, oh well what the hell. Forgive yourself. You were a kid and you spent like years and years in each other's company basically non-stop. Shit is bound to happen. Kids are going to square off in every combination at some point. I'm sure he was mean to you sometimes too.

But I don't remember him ever being. All I remember is gentle and good-natured.
 
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