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Aging

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I have not worked out how to talk to him, my brother. It's weird. I don't feel like I have to be careful with him - like I could just ask if he is having any deep thoughts about life, death, the universe, time, space etc. etc. - because I am genuinely interested - and once upon a time we talked freely about everything, but I can't quite bring myself to do it. Not so far. I keep hoping he will start it, but not so far.

I also sort of want to talk about his sports teams which are doing extremely well right now - Habs and Cowboys - but then there is some doubt he will even see the ends of the current seasons. So are those bad topics?


:fok:
 
Mudcat
I have not worked out how to talk to him, my brother. It's weird. I don't feel like I have to be careful with him - like I could just ask if he is having any deep thoughts about life, death, the universe, time, space etc. etc. - because I am genuinely interested - and once upon a time we talked freely about everything, but I can't quite bring myself to do it. Not so far. I keep hoping he will start it, but not so far.

I also sort of want to talk about his sports teams which are doing extremely well right now - Habs and Cowboys - but then there is some doubt he will even see the ends of the current seasons. So are those bad topics?


:fok:
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Personally I think you should talk about them, it probably takes his mind off of the inevitable. I could see talking about family future topics being dicey.
 
I guess it depends on how well you think he has accepted things. It might be cathartic and meaningful to discuss some of those things. But of course, don't let your interest take priority over his comfort level. I think you know that. He may want to talk about it, but doesn't for fear of not knowing your comfort level. I'm sure there are articles and books that can guide you in such matters. One thing I did before mom died and I don't even know if she understood it for sure, but it was the day before she died. I had read that it was important to apologize to the dying person for any wrongs in the past, and to let them know that you forgave them as well. This is probably something better saved for the true end if it's something you think might be important. Do you know what your brother's thoughts are on what happens after death?


Resorting to small sports talk also depends on where he is I guess. If it seems obvious to him you are talking lighthearted to avoid the reality of the situation that might make him more uncomfortable than if it were just addressed. It's hard to say without knowing your brother.
 
The guy in the next bed wandered by yesterday and looked in at us and said, "Hey is that one of those Coleman camping fuel things?'

I looked around the clutter to try and guess what he was talking about. I will take it as being to my credit that I guessed right. "This?" I said.

It was a black shiny plastic vessel - sort of puck shaped - but I could imagine it seeming, at first glance, to be maybe metallic and like maybe it was a Sterno type of thing.

"Yeah."

"No, it is a bowl of cream of wheat."

"Oh."
 
Mudcat
The guy in the next bed wandered by yesterday and looked in at us and said, "Hey is that one of those Coleman camping fuel things?'

I looked around the clutter to try and guess what he was talking about. I will take it as being to my credit that I guessed right. "This?" I said.

It was a black shiny plastic vessel - sort of puck shaped - but I could imagine it seeming, at first glance, to be maybe metallic and like maybe it was a Sterno type of thing.

"Yeah."

"No, it is a bowl of cream of wheat."

"Oh."
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:10: It's like I was there.
 
reno cool
how much time are you spending over there?
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Who me? Seems to be settling into a Friday thing. An hour or two in the early afternoon. No idea if that is appropriate or I am an uncaring monster or what. :dunno:

It's not exactly the handiest location.

I still also have my mum who is in a care home and is mentally deteriorating, although there is no telling how long she will hold out physically. Back in the 80's/90's, her mum went on for many years in a comparable downhill slide of fear and confusion - but the body kept hanging on.


Aging: it's not for the faint of heart.


I am stealing that line from someone. Not sure who. Bette Davis maybe?
 
Some old friends of my brother - used to be close but hadn't seen him in ~25 years - went to visit him. They didn't recognize him. They walked in his room and took a look at him and kept walking.

I even warned them. When they hit me up for directions I said they might not recognize him and that he's very thin and gray and scraggly. I tried to narrow it down and told them his room number and that he was right inside the door - so there is no need to peek behind the curtains of the middle beds. Let's face it, you don't want to do that if you don't have to - and the people in those beds don't want it either.

But there are two doors to the room so they looked right at him and and figured no, he must be at the other one.

But no, that's him.
 
All that stuff is for the survivors anyway. If they fell a need to make a big showing that's ok but that's just making themselves feel better imo. I'd appreciate a tombstone a grave site. That's respect. someone can come lay flowers once in a while and say "yep".

I recently drove somebody's ashes to Denver from Vegas. What a farce. What happens when you get old you're supposed to live with everybody's ashes? My friends father got cremated, he has a yarn, no place to visit. He's not even sure why this happened. Also, in Russia gravesite s are elaborate with fencing and benches to sit. Relatives sometimes sit there for hours.:dunno:
 
reno cool
All that stuff is for the survivors anyway. If they fell a need to make a big showing that's ok but that's just making themselves feel better imo. I'd appreciate a tombstone a grave site. That's respect. someone can come lay flowers once in a while and say "yep".

I recently drove somebody's ashes to Denver from Vegas. What a farce. What happens when you get old you're supposed to live with everybody's ashes? My friends father got cremated, he has a yarn, no place to visit. He's not even sure why this happened. Also, in Russia gravesite s are elaborate with fencing and benches to sit. Relatives sometimes sit there for hours.:dunno:
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I'm going to a wake today for a friend's father who just passed. I think of it as paying respect, maybe share a story or two.
 
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