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Just got through taking a dump I thought was gonna kill me.

Been trying to go for over an hour, on and off the toilet - nothing, but I feel my bowels pushing it out, feels like I'm gonna make in my pants.

I was just about to head to the hospital to see what they could do. YES it was that big, bad, and painful. I'm standing at the bus stop waiting for the bus to take me to the ER feeling like (and actually hoping) I'm gonna shit myself. Then I get these really bad pains and waddle quickly back up to my apartment and relieve myself. It hurt so good. Now i can barely sit down.

What a fucking relief. I can't think of much that is more embarrasing than having to have them remove an oversized hard stool from your rectum, and such an unpleasant task for the doctor on duty. (Obviously having a fork stuck in your penis would be more embarrassing.)

I need more fibre.
 
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plommer
Just got through taking a dump I thought was gonna kill me.

Been trying to go for over an hour, nothing, but I feel my bowels pushing it out, feels like I'm gonna make in my pants.

I was just about to head to the hospital to see what they could do. YES it was that big, bad, and painful. I'm standing at the bus stop waiting for the bus to take me to the ER feeling like (and actually hoping) I'm gonna shit myself. Then I get these really bad pains and waddle quickly back up to my apartment and relieve myself. It hurt so good. Now i can barely sit down.

What a fucking relief. I can't think of much that is more embarrasing than having to have them remove a hard stool from your rectum, and unleasant for the doctor on duty. (Obviously having a fork stuck in your penis would be more embarrassing.)

I need more fibre.
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:lmao:
 
reno cool
burger 4 mcnuggets 4 fries 1.8 pie 2 tax, maybe $15 here :dunno:

you just supposed get a value meal, burger fries drink $7 you fat fok

or 4 things of the $1 menu
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Yeah it doesn't make sense. It was a few days ago. Maybe I'm forgetting something or getting my wires crossed.

I don't think so though. I probably just got overcharged and was so deep in concentration about the strange enchanted food that I wasn't thinking about the money side of things. That would be entirely in keeping with my character.
 
plommer
Just got through taking a dump I thought was gonna kill me.

Been trying to go for over an hour, on and off the toilet - nothing, but I feel my bowels pushing it out, feels like I'm gonna make in my pants.

I was just about to head to the hospital to see what they could do. YES it was that big, bad, and painful. I'm standing at the bus stop waiting for the bus to take me to the ER feeling like (and actually hoping) I'm gonna shit myself. Then I get these really bad pains and waddle quickly back up to my apartment and relieve myself. It hurt so good. Now i can barely sit down.

What a fucking relief. I can't think of much that is more embarrasing than having to have them remove an oversized hard stool from your rectum, and such an unpleasant task for the doctor on duty. (Obviously having a fork stuck in your penis would be more embarrassing.)

I need more fibre.
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Ex Lax, yo.
 
MonkeyF0cker
It probably does if you order all of it a la carte.
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Also has to do with the way the different taxes are calculated.

for example, order a large frosty at Wendy's and total is $2.40, buy two and total cost is $5.18 or something like that.


MonkeyF0cker
Ex Lax, yo.
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Looking forward to it, seriously.
I feel like Matty analized me with the coke can.
 
I have some experience with very difficult bowel movements. Back in my drugging days there were certain drugs that could lead to things being gummed up pretty good. Start with opiates. Those always have a constipating effect. Combine that with other things. I got in trouble a few times.

Anyway . . .

. . . for future reference, a trip to ER should not be necessary. Fleet makes enemas that they sell at every drug store that should clear things up. It is a combo deal with a thing you squirt up your ass, combined with a thing you drink. Sometimes there is a kit or sometimes you buy the two components separately. Before you know it - bada bing, bada boom - everything gets turned to liquid.

And they all lived happily ever after.


:handshake:
 
Muddy if I had something around I would have attempted it but in this case I was doubled over in agony every time my body involuntarily contracted the muscles trying to push it out . Seriously painful, and somewhat embarrassing.

The drug store is down the street and I would rather have gone to the ER than the drug store.
 
reno cool
the imagery in these posts is fantastic.

Plommer do you waddle like Vito from Sopranos?

Thats what I got to look forward to? Hoping to shit in my pants?
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Reno, in case you haven't noticed I have some creative talent.

I don't normally walk/waddle like Vito, I look alot more like Tony Soprano (RIP - Wal) but in this instance I was waddling like Vito (holding my cheeks together), yes.

Reno are you saying youv'e never shit your pants as an adult?
What kind of drinker are you?
 
Bank lady - ...and what does your common-law spouse do?
Me - She's a neuroscientist.
Bank lady - Jesus Christ!
Me - Is that wrong?
Bank lady - No, it's impressive.
Me - I make more money than her you know.
Bank lady - Very good.

:mudcat:
 
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