I'm angry because it is so stupid. I understand that addicts relapse but she should be the one person who knows she can't do it. Her last relapse ended with her starving herself down to 80 pounds and nearly dying, spending months in the hospital. She got cirrhosis (which does not go away). She is prone to seizures which have probably already started.
I'm angry because she has two boys who don't know the kind of shit they are (probably) about to go through. The younger one is just a real sweet kid who will be devastated. The older one has just gotten to the point where he is showing all the signs that he is an addict himself. That is a complicated dynamic. But those boys love her. It sucks.
I'm sad for myself because she is by far my main source of company. However we have been through the roller coaster a few times and frankly, I have gotten pretty adept at letting go. I told her to call me if she wants to get sober and I will do everything I can. I hope she does, but I am really not expecting it or dwelling on it.
I am just moving on and doing other shit.
Hey, maybe it will work out somehow. I don't see it but it's not impossible.