Matty
High Calorie Human
- Since
- Jan 26, 2010
- Messages
- 52,881
- Score
- 8,039
- Tokens
- 50
Alright, since Polaroid insists and I can't find the motivation to watch the finale of Lost live... in no particular order:
1. First boobs felt when I was 11. They were the firm C-cups of my 13 or 14yo step-sister. Maybe more epic than the first time I had sex, cause she didn't reek of tuna.
2. First time a girl's mouth made contact with MiniMatt. Felt like Victory.
3. That time in 2nd grade when my literary efforts were rewarded at the city level - my short story was about my (completely made up) desire to emulate Jacques Plante (I never played ice hockey.) I still have the gold-painted medal and the illustrated book that explains the best ways to identify and defend against pedophiles.
4. First time I played guitar in front of an actual audience at 17, in a 18+ bar. We were paid with a case of beer, which seemed infinitely cooler than money at the time. The 45-minute set of awful grunge felt like 5 minutes. Between two songs, an unattractive girl came by to say that my guitar was nice. YES!
5. That game of spin-the-bottle at 11 or 12 where I got to reach first and second base with my 15yo sexual fantasy, thanks to her being friends with my step-sisters. She was dating 17 year olds and every guy at my school was drooling over her unavailable ass. I don't think I'll ever feel more pride and unworthiness, even if Jessica Alba were to knock on my door tonight and beg me to fuck her brains out as she started ripping off her clothes while standing in the hall.
6. First of 3 experiences with psychedelic drugs, all of which happened fairly recently. I remember rolling my eyes at my dirty stoner buddies in high school who would talk about their "spiritual" and "mind-expanding" experiences with mushrooms and acid. Well fuck me, the dirty stoners were right. It was more of an anti-spiritual experience to me, revealing the illusion that is the ego and how we're little more than animated matter. Utterly fascinating.
7. First time driving a car, my Grandpa's old 1988 Ford Taurus with its futuristic LCD speedometer. Felt like I had complete control over the Earth, the elements and the universe. Then Mom begged me to slow down.
8. That time in college when a reputed sociology professor gave my paper an impossible A++, with no other comment. I was no longer an uneven student but an artsy fartsy snob GOD.
9. First note I plucked on the first electric guitar I built from scratch, then hearing it played live by the girl who eventually bought it from me. I think I know how it feels to see your first baby pop out of the Mommy's cunt.
10. My first meeting with Jungle Man before the 2009 SBR Bash. I was star-struck as he carefully drove RogueJuror and I from downtown Vegas to Hooters at 4 am. We mused about life and played 25-cent video poker for free Heinekens. I tried not to stare too much.
ink:
1. First boobs felt when I was 11. They were the firm C-cups of my 13 or 14yo step-sister. Maybe more epic than the first time I had sex, cause she didn't reek of tuna.
2. First time a girl's mouth made contact with MiniMatt. Felt like Victory.
3. That time in 2nd grade when my literary efforts were rewarded at the city level - my short story was about my (completely made up) desire to emulate Jacques Plante (I never played ice hockey.) I still have the gold-painted medal and the illustrated book that explains the best ways to identify and defend against pedophiles.
4. First time I played guitar in front of an actual audience at 17, in a 18+ bar. We were paid with a case of beer, which seemed infinitely cooler than money at the time. The 45-minute set of awful grunge felt like 5 minutes. Between two songs, an unattractive girl came by to say that my guitar was nice. YES!
5. That game of spin-the-bottle at 11 or 12 where I got to reach first and second base with my 15yo sexual fantasy, thanks to her being friends with my step-sisters. She was dating 17 year olds and every guy at my school was drooling over her unavailable ass. I don't think I'll ever feel more pride and unworthiness, even if Jessica Alba were to knock on my door tonight and beg me to fuck her brains out as she started ripping off her clothes while standing in the hall.
6. First of 3 experiences with psychedelic drugs, all of which happened fairly recently. I remember rolling my eyes at my dirty stoner buddies in high school who would talk about their "spiritual" and "mind-expanding" experiences with mushrooms and acid. Well fuck me, the dirty stoners were right. It was more of an anti-spiritual experience to me, revealing the illusion that is the ego and how we're little more than animated matter. Utterly fascinating.
7. First time driving a car, my Grandpa's old 1988 Ford Taurus with its futuristic LCD speedometer. Felt like I had complete control over the Earth, the elements and the universe. Then Mom begged me to slow down.
8. That time in college when a reputed sociology professor gave my paper an impossible A++, with no other comment. I was no longer an uneven student but an artsy fartsy snob GOD.
9. First note I plucked on the first electric guitar I built from scratch, then hearing it played live by the girl who eventually bought it from me. I think I know how it feels to see your first baby pop out of the Mommy's cunt.
10. My first meeting with Jungle Man before the 2009 SBR Bash. I was star-struck as he carefully drove RogueJuror and I from downtown Vegas to Hooters at 4 am. We mused about life and played 25-cent video poker for free Heinekens. I tried not to stare too much.
ink:
