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Suicide

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Mudcat

Mudcat

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Ever known anyone who has done this?

I have. It was about 20 years ago and it was a guy I worked with and also partied with a lot. That was back towards the end of my drinking/drugging days.

I had known him for about 4 years and would describe him as a very good friend. Being a co-worker, we spent a lot of time together. He called me High-Flyer. That was a shortened version of High-Flying Hosebag. I believe that came from SCTV? Not even sure. The references were always flying around fast and furious and he called me a lot of things and vice versa.

We were the same age so we were both ~27 when he killed himself. He had a 1-year old son. There was a lot of petty bickering with his wife and he came close to cheating but he never went all the way as I recall.

He was suffering hair loss. It was a big deal in his mind. Everyone said, "Who gives a shit?" but he really did give a shit despite what anyone could say. Towards the end he got a weave which looked pretty good but he was never sure.

Very muscular guy who liked to work out. He even talked about trying steroids at one point and everyone was like, "Why? You are a buyer for a welding supplies company. You look good anyway." But he thought about steroids.

Looking back, I see how he dropped a few hints towards the end. I could torture myself thinking about what I should have done. But I was kind of fucked up in many ways back then too. I have forgiven myself.

He was the funniest guy I have ever known. Not just saying that because it sounds interesting in this context. No, a truly hilarious, spontaneous guy who did faces and voices and physical humor and was so quick. He single-handedly made that workplace about twice as fun as it would have been.

I guess his son is a young adult now.
 
My great grandmother apparently committed suicide albeit she was very old (85?) at the time.

Her husband had died just a few months earlier, I was about 6 at the time and did not learn of it being suicide until my late teens.
She left no note and had given no indication/impression that she was likely to do anything like that.
 
My uncle killed himself when I was about 10 years old. He was the adopted younger brother of my mother. He had problems throughout his life. I think he was 32 years old when he did it. I still remember my mother getting the phone call. I heard her yelling "no" from their bedroom and went in the room to see her just collapsed on the floor and my father holding her while she sobbed.

My grandfather and grandmother adored Bill, and would do anything for him. He lived back and forth between an apartment and their home in South Carolina. He had drug problems, of which I wasn't aware at the time. My grandfather was a doctor and Bill would steal prescription pads from him. Years later I learned that he had been selling and using prescription drugs. He had been in and out of rehab and had just gotten out of a tumultuous relationship with a woman. The police were investigating him and according to the attorney my grandfather had hired, Bill was going to be convicted and sent to jail for charges related to the prescription drugs.

Bill had a .357 Magnum that he used to leave laying around his room. It was unloaded and I remember playing with it often when I would visit my grandparents. It was a big, beautiful gun. He would just have it laying on his headboard whenever I was down for a visit. Guns weren't that big a deal back then, especially in the south.

One day Bill took his gun in the car with him, drove out into the woods, and put the barrel in his mouth.

I saw what suicide can do to a family first hand. My mother - who was never that close to Bill and admittedly resented him in some ways - was able to get past it for the most part. She was always more angry with him than anything; angry for what he did to my grandfather. My grandfather was never the same. He was a broken man from that day on in many ways. I remember traveling to South Carolina for the funeral. It's very unsettling at that age to see a man you admire so utterly inconsolable.

Bill killed himself in those woods, but he took a little bit of my grandfather with him when he did it. For that, nobody was ever able to truly forgive him.
 
A girl I worked with for 3 years in my teens hung herself from a ceiling fan because her boyfriend broke up with her. Their relationship was drama drama drama.

I worked with her Mom too. Every time I'd see her Mom after it happened I'd think to myself what a horrible decision it was to kill herself.
 
InTheHole
Thank You. In a lot of ways I was invested in this Shrink story. It's one thing to lose a brother but two parents? It is a very selfish way about going about solving a problem.
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Totaly agree ,i can see ken commiting suicide because of major financial problems but i can`t fathom why jackie would leavie her kids and the grandkids .
 
Dunder
My great grandmother apparently committed suicide albeit she was very old (85?) at the time.

Her husband had died just a few months earlier, I was about 6 at the time and did not learn of it being suicide until my late teens.
She left no note and had given no indication/impression that she was likely to do anything like that.
Click to expand...


I have heard variations of this scenario quite a few times.

That almost doesn't seem bad to me. Of course it would be a bit shocking at first to the loved ones, but if you're that old and unhappy, why not take control of the situation?

I guess many people would argue.
 
InTheHole
It is a very selfish way about going about solving a problem.
Click to expand...

Yes. That's it in a nutshell. Sorry to hear that happened to you and your family.

To kill yourself over financial problems has got to be one of the most shallow things I can imagine. I said in another thread that the idea angers me, because I live basically paycheck to paycheck at this point in my life. It's essentially saying you'd rather be dead than have to get by in the manner I do. I'm a very happy person, so it can't be all that bad. And I know what it's like to have money, too.
 
The idea of labeling suicide as selfish is dubious to me. I get where the idea comes from but the suggestion that someone has a duty to continue living a life that they are so unhappy in, just to spare other people some upset . . . . hmmmm

Like if someone were to say to me, "I know someone who is completely profoundly unhappy in life and I expect him to keep enduring it in order to spare my feelings," . . . . to me, that would be selfish.

We are talking about a situation that is the ultimate. I think about what must be going on in someone's head. To just label it as selfish seems a little too easy.



And I know, oftentimes there are more than just the hurt feelings of loved ones involved. As I said, my friend Mark had a 1 year-old son. He had committed to a responsibility.

I don't know. I was never really mad at Mark or considered him selfish. I felt really bad for what he must have been going through.

Mind you, I had some pretty low moments myself so I could relate a little more than I am comfortable remembering.
 
It's just something about writing everything off. If people know how you are feeling they can try to help you. There's always a better option.... unless you are going to prison for life. In that case I can understand. But for financial reasons....just so shallow and materialistic.

I know there has to be some level of depression involved which takes it beyond just the root cause. But if you let financial issues get you to that level of depression where this seems like a reasonable option... I don't know how to convey what I'm thinking. It just takes away the option of people you loved helping you when they are left with the feeling that they could have had you just allowed them the chance. There's no going back once you do this. It's so final. Everybody is cheated.
 
I can relate to this though because last week one of my mentor and friends killed himself. This was a man that in the my line of work in the state of Florida was renowned. He was even well known around the country in the EPA field. One of the most intelligent men I have ever known and absolutely loved or respected or both by anyone I have ever mentioned his name to. His wife left him several years ago because he spent so much time involved around the state with work or at least that was one of the reasons she gave him. He was never the same after she left though and while everyone that knew him understood his life had changed no-one knew the level of depression he was going through. It finally got to be too much and regardless of how much success he had or what he chose to do he couldn't escape the mounting sense of loss. He sent an email to one of my colleagues in a neighboring city telling him what he had done and requesting that he notify the sheriffs department and his daughter.

The thing about suicide is it leaves those left behind constantly questioning if they could have done something to help. No matter how much you feel you were there for support you always feels afterwards that maybe you could have done something else. The mind won't let go and we continue to question everything.

Speculating is how we deal with it but it does no good long term because we just never really understand it even if we finally obtain partial or even substantial information.
 
my grandfather, although my mom wouldnt accept it. they still say it was an accident.
he died several months after my grandmother. my mom found him in the garage dead with his truck running.

had an acquaintance ( I dont call him a friend cause we never hung out much. he was serious into RX drugs ) killed hisself not long ago.
he shot hisself twice before getting the job done. first shot was to his chest but didnt work, next to the head.
He was drafted out of highschool by the Marlins I think it was and put in the minors. He had a car wreck and screwed up his shoulder his first yr in the minors and wasnt able to pitch at the same level again.
they cut him, he came back here and got into some serious addictions for the last 10 yrs or so before offing hisself.
 
One of my friends from Michigan whom I knew through my music connections, walked in front of a train two years ago.

It was pretty bizarre to me that someone could do that, knowing the carnage.

He said goodbye to everyone via his MySpace page. Pretty gruesome.
 
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