Hooligans Sportsbook

I want to overshare

  • Start date •
  • Replies
    56 Replies •
  • Views 5,268 Views
Follow
That is horrible news Muddy. I had a lot of respect for you as a poster but I have respect for you as a person now. In fact, it's not even respect so much...it's admiration. To know what's coming to be there for her probably wasn't even a decision for you. It was automatic. Just like the support I know everyone here will show, whenever you need it.
 
I'm sorry to hear about Jenny, Muddy. Is the tumor treatable? It's not surprising that you would be depressed with both of these things going on. In fact, losing the meetings as an outlet for you likely exacerbates those negative emotions. If you have no release, it just festers. Have you considered one on one counseling rather than trying to initiate or find another group? At least temporarily, if you could find someone to talk directly to, it would likely help. Sometimes people's reactions when they are going through a life-threatening illness is to push people away. That's not entirely out of the ordinary. My uncle reacted similarly when he was diagnosed with Hodgkin's disease. You need to be by her side. She needs you. You know that. Be there for her in any capacity you can.
 
Good luck Mudcat, I would really look into there are alot of online cancer forums,there are forums for everything and I found alot of great people to talk to and great info when my mom was sick on alot the forums I visited.

People really treat each other with respect and kindness on these forums, very mature crowd and for the most part great people. Its amazing how a serious illness to a loved one or yourself can humanize people. Its the exact opposite of spending half an hour reading about cory and easy street or some sbr drama, people really are helpful and kind.

I found online forums sometimes alot better for info and even meeting people than locally ,sometimes the area you live in won't have the greatest people to connect with. Good luck buddy and hang in there with her
 
MonkeyF0cker
I'm sorry to hear about Jenny, Muddy. Is the tumor treatable? It's not surprising that you would be depressed with both of these things going on. In fact, losing the meetings as an outlet for you likely exacerbates those negative emotions. If you have no release, it just festers. Have you considered one on one counseling rather than trying to initiate or find another group? At least temporarily, if you could find someone to talk directly to, it would likely help. Sometimes people's reactions when they are going through a life-threatening illness is to push people away. That's not entirely out of the ordinary. My uncle reacted similarly when he was diagnosed with Hodgkin's disease. You need to be by her side. She needs you. You know that. Be there for her in any capacity you can.
Click to expand...

gregm
Good luck Mudcat, I would really look into there are alot of online cancer forums,there are forums for everything and I found alot of great people to talk to and great info when my mom was sick on alot the forums I visited.

People really treat each other with respect and kindness on these forums, very mature crowd and for the most part great people. Its amazing how a serious illness to a loved one or yourself can humanize people. Its the exact opposite of spending half an hour reading about cory and easy street or some sbr drama, people really are helpful and kind.

I found online forums sometimes alot better for info and even meeting people than locally ,sometimes the area you live in won't have the greatest people to connect with. Good luck buddy and hang in there with her
Click to expand...

this is why gamelive is for life
 
MonkeyF0cker
I'm sorry to hear about Jenny, Muddy. Is the tumor treatable? It's not surprising that you would be depressed with both of these things going on. In fact, losing the meetings as an outlet for you likely exacerbates those negative emotions. If you have no release, it just festers. Have you considered one on one counseling rather than trying to initiate or find another group? At least temporarily, if you could find someone to talk directly to, it would likely help. Sometimes people's reactions when they are going through a life-threatening illness is to push people away. That's not entirely out of the ordinary. My uncle reacted similarly when he was diagnosed with Hodgkin's disease. You need to be by her side. She needs you. You know that. Be there for her in any capacity you can.
Click to expand...


The question of if it is treatable is very complicated. It depends on a what happens - and she is waiting for a second opinion on something - but probably.

But there is another question of will she accept treatment. Like if/when it gets worse and comes down to chemotherapy and/or radiation therapy, she might just say no and opt to let nature take its course rather than go through that prolonged fight. I could see her deciding that. She has been through a lot in life.

Meanwhile she is having to take all kinds of very strong medications for increasing auras and to prevent seizures. There are many side effects and quality of life issues as a result of that. The whole thing is a mess.



The concept that she needs me is also not simple. Maybe she does; I can certainly be of help to her - but she may simply reject that. She is not necessarily going to do what is best for herself. At times she turns into a bundle of fear and defense mechanisms - and she would rather shoot herself in the foot than let anything penetrate the defenses. She would rather be vulnerable around complete strangers than someone close.

If she keeps pushing me away - and she might - then there will be nothing I can do but go away.

Most of the time, we have such a good time together. We have so much in common and she laughs hysterically and just loves to talk. We have known about this tumor for several months but it's not like a constant black cloud; we still have lots of fun together.

But then it flips. Right now we are in a severe pushing me away phase.
 
I keep re-reading this thread trying to come up with something useful to say but I'm at a loss.

This is just a horrible situation and I'm deeply sorry Jenny and yourself are forced to deal with it.

But I will urge you to consider greg's suggestion of visiting online cancer forums.

I relied on them when my mother was ill both before and after she died, and frankly many people online were more help to me than well-meaning family and friends.

It's bad enough that we don't have a choice when something like this enters our lives, but as the loved one of the person afflicted, you have literally no control over much at all and sometimes are even cut out of the decision-making process.

It's incredibly difficult to be a bystander in a situation like this. Obviously more so if you're being pushed away. And frankly, many in your position would've went running for the hills already. The fact that you haven't speaks volumes.

Thank you for trusting us enough to share this. We've got your back whenever you need us.
 
Mudcat
The concept that she needs me is also not simple. Maybe she does; I can certainly be of help to her - but she may simply reject that. She is not necessarily going to do what is best for herself. At times she turns into a bundle of fear and defense mechanisms - and she would rather shoot herself in the foot than let anything penetrate the defenses. She would rather be vulnerable around complete strangers than someone close.

If she keeps pushing me away - and she might - then there will be nothing I can do but go away.

Most of the time, we have such a good time together. We have so much in common and she laughs hysterically and just loves to talk. We have known about this tumor for several months but it's not like a constant black cloud; we still have lots of fun together.

But then it flips. Right now we are in a severe pushing me away phase.
Click to expand...

The pushing away could be many reasons, a probable cause could be just that she knows what's going on and by pushing you away it saves one more person from being involved in this big mess because she kind of likes you. Maybe that she doesn't want you to see what she's going through - it could be a result of the tumor, it could be the medications, it could be a combination of many things but I'd say that the least likely scenario is that she really wants you out of her life.

Very sorry to hear about this. It's one of those threads when you really don't know what to say, but thanks for oversharing.
 
Jeez Louise Muddy. Really rough going eh? Really sorry to hear about this news as well.

I do have one suggestion if you were interested...and it is small, but...

You obviously have a large group of diverse people who care about you here. Perhaps if you were interested in using us as a fall back support group to the one you lost (which it kind of seems is happening anyways), Juror or Polaroid could start a separate subforum that only those who are pre-approved can view and post in? That way no eyes with crushing intentions need to read anymore of your personal matters to be an ass with it at a future date.

I know we are all toughened at handling the forum jagoffs, but this is pretty sensitive stuff.

Just a thought.
 
Muddy, I’m sure you know already but often times in situations like this the people going through this type of thing are much harder on those closest to them. Part of the reason is they are more comfortable with them than strangers and part of the reason is they are trying (conscious or not) to push them away because of just how close they are to them.

The most difficult part for the person in your position aside from not being able to do anything is being strong enough to handle those times when it seems the sick is turning on them. Many people in your position can’t handle it for a variety of reasons and understandably some simply give up trying.

You will be tested and there will be times when you may question if any of it is worth it. It’s not for me or anyone else to tell you it is or isn’t because unless you have gone through this situation you really don’t know.

I want you to know that if you ever need to talk or simply unload I would be willing to lend an ear. I can’t say I would be of any help but I am a good listener.
 
Bread
Jeez Louise Muddy. Really rough going eh? Really sorry to hear about this news as well.

I do have one suggestion if you were interested...and it is small, but...

You obviously have a large group of diverse people who care about you here. Perhaps if you were interested in using us as a fall back support group to the one you lost (which it kind of seems is happening anyways), Juror or Polaroid could start a separate subforum that only those who are pre-approved can view and post in? That way no eyes with crushing intentions need to read anymore of your personal matters to be an ass with it at a future date.

I know we are all toughened at handling the forum jagoffs, but this is pretty sensitive stuff.

Just a thought.
Click to expand...

I give you much crap about checking out but I want to make sure I give you credit as well when you're tuned in.
 
Anyhoo, as far as my plan of action right now, I like to break things down and it is pretty simple. We haven't spoken for a few days so I will call her sometime this week and basically say I really don't understand why we can't be together. The thing that triggered her latest nose-out-of-joint episode was absurdly minor. It's crazy that we can't get past it.

I've got a bunch of her stuff here and I don't want to return it - I would rather continue where we left off - but if she is going to stick by her position then that's what I'll do. If that's what she wants, then I'll let her know she can and should call me if she changes her mind - but I'm going to get on with my life, such as it is.



And she might just be stubborn enough to go that way. There is probably a tendency with a thread such as this to view her as a completely sympathetic character but the truth is she is very stubborn and difficult and sometimes irrational. She can be a bitch, as she will admit in better times.

Honestly, if she wants to be friends again, I am going to want some concessions from her. This is the third time in ~6 months where she has thrown me away over some trivial thing. It is turning into a predictable pattern. I am going to need her to acknowledge that I am not disposable and she is going to have to try a little harder.

I'm not a saint. Her situation sucks but I've got my own shit too.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.