Bread
Current Corpse
- Since
- Jan 20, 2010
- Messages
- 28,141
- Score
- 43
- Tokens
- 0
I suppose that online forum battles take place all over the World Wide Web, but nowhere are they any more ridiculous than on gambling forums. Think about it; you have all of the ingredients necessary for a clusterf**k cake Internet anonymity, anger generated from mounting losses and forums dominated by pissed-off electronic Alpha Males. Its to be expected, I suppose.
In its short lifespan, these e-fights have been non-existent here on GameLive. Its just a bunch of folks talking about games, capping and just about anything in between. Its like a kumbayah session for a bunch of Canadians, a Russian guy with really great hair and a random assortment of other filthy immigrants. I think there might be a few Americans here as well.
The fact remains that many of the regular posters here are so insanely popular, that we will still get blasted on other boards. Such is the price of being superior in all ways to others.
The reason that I am writing to you today is to point out that there is a correct and an incorrect way to approach the art of burying a rival poster. In my absence from the game, Ive witnessed some pretty crummy technique out there. When slinging mud, one should never end up with more on themselves than their intended target. It embarrasses me and it embarrasses you.
Right off the bat, we all have to make a concerted effort to steer clear of the go to insults that litter these boards like losing tickets on a casino floor. I wince anytime that I see one of these generic darts utilized. When youre in a bloody war, you dont want to be smushing banana crme pies in anyones face. Its just tacky.
You live in your mommys basement.
You have never been laid.
You were beat up as a kid.
Mommy and daddy didnt give you enough love.
You are ugly.
You are gay.
You are a bad gambler.
Im going to kick your ass.
Told you I wasnt playing
Ive been accused of everything there about a million times, as Im sure most forum regulars have. It has to end. Its these dime-a-dozen types of cracks that give internet tough guys a bad name. Just stop it.
OK now that weve covered what NOT to do, here are a few tactics that are bound to delight all who bear witness to your carnage.
Beat them with their own words There are so many forgetful hypocrites on these boards that it is their own words that will usually become their worst enemy. Immortal forum crusher Tacomax is the master at implementing this tactic. Just remember, the search feature can be your best friend in downing a lane-switching opponent.
Photoshop Always be on the lookout for real life pictures of your enemies, and when they start to misbehave, POOF, with the use of modern technology and some crude copy/paste skills, they can be placed in an array of compromising positions. If that doesnt yield the desired results, then photoshop their kids begging for money and watch the jaws drop.
Have sex with their wife/girlfriend and send him pictures (Note: Only to be used in extreme cases.)
Now I realize that not everyone is a pro. No doubt there are some lesser-skilled and comparatively inferior cerebral beings out there wondering But Bread, I want to step up my game as well, Im just not that good! What can I do? Im glad you asked. Here are some suggested strategies for our D minus contingent.
Use word play with their name I get called Moldy or Toast quite a bit. They are both unflattering forms of Bread, get it? These cut right to the core and Ill admit, they hurt. Anytime you can make a homosexual connotation in a name, it is a bonus. For example, I will call poster Mudcat as Buttcat sometimes. I know this really bothers him because he is actually attracted to male butts.
Leave them hanging If you tell someone that you have something huge in store for them, they will spend many sleepless nights tracing their online paths, trying to figure out what you have stumbled upon. Of course, you dont have any such bombshell to drop on them, but my oh my the fun and satisfaction you will experience just knowing that they are squirming in their chair in horrified anticipation. Good show!
Remind them of their mortality When all else fails, ruin someones day by informing them that they will die alone. Not only is it the ultimate crushing blow, but its true! Take that, loser!
So there you have a beginners course to assist you in upping your forum battle game. Remember, creativity is key. Never let them see you sweat. And deny, deny, denyno matter how dead-to-rights they might have you, deny. If that all fails, threaten to kick their ass, because really, what are they gonna do then? Thats right, nothing.
PS I was kidding about sleeping with anyones wife. Unless its mine, of course.
.
.
.
In its short lifespan, these e-fights have been non-existent here on GameLive. Its just a bunch of folks talking about games, capping and just about anything in between. Its like a kumbayah session for a bunch of Canadians, a Russian guy with really great hair and a random assortment of other filthy immigrants. I think there might be a few Americans here as well.
The fact remains that many of the regular posters here are so insanely popular, that we will still get blasted on other boards. Such is the price of being superior in all ways to others.
The reason that I am writing to you today is to point out that there is a correct and an incorrect way to approach the art of burying a rival poster. In my absence from the game, Ive witnessed some pretty crummy technique out there. When slinging mud, one should never end up with more on themselves than their intended target. It embarrasses me and it embarrasses you.
Right off the bat, we all have to make a concerted effort to steer clear of the go to insults that litter these boards like losing tickets on a casino floor. I wince anytime that I see one of these generic darts utilized. When youre in a bloody war, you dont want to be smushing banana crme pies in anyones face. Its just tacky.
You live in your mommys basement.
You have never been laid.
You were beat up as a kid.
Mommy and daddy didnt give you enough love.
You are ugly.
You are gay.
You are a bad gambler.
Im going to kick your ass.
Told you I wasnt playing
Ive been accused of everything there about a million times, as Im sure most forum regulars have. It has to end. Its these dime-a-dozen types of cracks that give internet tough guys a bad name. Just stop it.
OK now that weve covered what NOT to do, here are a few tactics that are bound to delight all who bear witness to your carnage.
Beat them with their own words There are so many forgetful hypocrites on these boards that it is their own words that will usually become their worst enemy. Immortal forum crusher Tacomax is the master at implementing this tactic. Just remember, the search feature can be your best friend in downing a lane-switching opponent.
Photoshop Always be on the lookout for real life pictures of your enemies, and when they start to misbehave, POOF, with the use of modern technology and some crude copy/paste skills, they can be placed in an array of compromising positions. If that doesnt yield the desired results, then photoshop their kids begging for money and watch the jaws drop.
Have sex with their wife/girlfriend and send him pictures (Note: Only to be used in extreme cases.)
Now I realize that not everyone is a pro. No doubt there are some lesser-skilled and comparatively inferior cerebral beings out there wondering But Bread, I want to step up my game as well, Im just not that good! What can I do? Im glad you asked. Here are some suggested strategies for our D minus contingent.
Use word play with their name I get called Moldy or Toast quite a bit. They are both unflattering forms of Bread, get it? These cut right to the core and Ill admit, they hurt. Anytime you can make a homosexual connotation in a name, it is a bonus. For example, I will call poster Mudcat as Buttcat sometimes. I know this really bothers him because he is actually attracted to male butts.
Leave them hanging If you tell someone that you have something huge in store for them, they will spend many sleepless nights tracing their online paths, trying to figure out what you have stumbled upon. Of course, you dont have any such bombshell to drop on them, but my oh my the fun and satisfaction you will experience just knowing that they are squirming in their chair in horrified anticipation. Good show!
Remind them of their mortality When all else fails, ruin someones day by informing them that they will die alone. Not only is it the ultimate crushing blow, but its true! Take that, loser!
So there you have a beginners course to assist you in upping your forum battle game. Remember, creativity is key. Never let them see you sweat. And deny, deny, denyno matter how dead-to-rights they might have you, deny. If that all fails, threaten to kick their ass, because really, what are they gonna do then? Thats right, nothing.
PS I was kidding about sleeping with anyones wife. Unless its mine, of course.
Harsh
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