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Vent: Great day professionally, only my girl could burst my bubble

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Mrs. X
This doesn't sound very good.

Some women aren't very good at expressing feelings properly, and it comes out as picking and groussing. It could be that you're trying to show her you love her by being a good provider and she needs to feel loved a different way and feels like she doesn't want to ask for it/doesn't know how to ask for it. Sometimes things that are so obvious to us, our motives and meanings are lost on others because, well, they're not us. I mean I'm no therapizer...oh wait, yes I am. Come, sit down on my couch.

It's hard to say, not knowing the two of you and only having read a few paragraphs. It just feels like there's a a communication disconnect in there somewhere.
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Possibly, but if we have a strength as a couple it is communication. I think it is more severe disagreement about the situation and what can be done about it. I am trying to do everything I can about it basically and she still is holding me in this negative light.

Anyway I thank you all for your insight, I got to hit the sack and get up early for work, talk to you in the AM Gamelive.
 
Matt Rain
Robyn makes a good point. There's also the very real possibility that you're burying yourself into your job to avoid having to deal with the girl you don't care that much for. Been there done that.
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It's actually, among many other good causes that can be fulfilled by us having more money, to stabilize us when she goes to grad school soon.
 
steve- just ask her what the problem is, the real problem (you might need to get her drunk) then you will get your answer and then be able to make a decision. at least you weren't going to spend 10k on a ring like my dumbass.
 
Matt Rain
Not trying to pick on you or anything, but you rationalize a lot, stevie boy!

You're passively breaking up with your girl, is what it looks like to this outsider.
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Kinda seems that way.

Steve, instead of spending time on the computer tomorrow night after work, spend some time trying to figure out what is wrong and how you can both work toward fixing it. Trust me, if you marry this person and these issues haven't been resolved, things will get worse. I was with someone for five years, got married and then left him three months later. Marriage and/or children do not make the yucky stuff go away.
 
Robyn
Kinda seems that way.

Steve, instead of spending time on the computer tomorrow night after work, spend some time trying to figure out what is wrong and how you can both work toward fixing it. Trust me, if you marry this person and these issues haven't been resolved, things will get worse. I was with someone for five years, got married and then left him three months later. Marriage and/or children do not make the yucky stuff go away.
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this, steve my friend
 
I might be playing devil's advocate a bit here but what if she doesn't want/let him to figure out what really is wrong? She might be someone that avoids the issues as much as steve does. I see a whole world of issues if you sit down and really try to figure out what has been going on when you haven't been doing it right along. I think it has to be more of a process rather than an all at once thing. If she gets bombarded with Steve trying to "figure out what is really wrong" she is going to feel attacked. Need to work on it a little at a time.

To me it seems like she resents you for where she is and how her life has changed to be honest. I know that isn't exactly what you want to hear but just looking at it from an outsider's view. She knows that she has been with you through the highs and lows and regardless of them all she is stuck in a place (by all accounts by you) that she doesn't want to be. It sounds like it is not the ideal place for either of you but you guys are being complacent. I realize you still are trying to get some things in order with your career and what you want to do but what about her? Does she have everything in order? Are there limitations to her career and what she wants to do because of your locale? If so, maybe you need to give up a little of what you are doing for the time being so that she can reach for her goals and aspirations. I don't know...just some questions that are popping up in my head...
 
AMBy
I might be playing devil's advocate a bit here but what if she doesn't want/let him to figure out what really is wrong? She might be someone that avoids the issues as much as steve does. I see a whole world of issues if you sit down and really try to figure out what has been going on when you haven't been doing it right along. I think it has to be more of a process rather than an all at once thing. If she gets bombarded with Steve trying to "figure out what is really wrong" she is going to feel attacked. Need to work on it a little at a time.

To me it seems like she resents you for where she is and how her life has changed to be honest. I know that isn't exactly what you want to hear but just looking at it from an outsider's view. She knows that she has been with you through the highs and lows and regardless of them all she is stuck in a place (by all accounts by you) that she doesn't want to be. It sounds like it is not the ideal place for either of you but you guys are being complacent. I realize you still are trying to get some things in order with your career and what you want to do but what about her? Does she have everything in order? Are there limitations to her career and what she wants to do because of your locale? If so, maybe you need to give up a little of what you are doing for the time being so that she can reach for her goals and aspirations. I don't know...just some questions that are popping up in my head...
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then steve should walk...

only going to get worse
 
stevek173
What is it about life that will almost never let you have that perfect day, week or month - there always has to be some gray I guess.

Long story short I have really been down and out the last 2 years since I lost a very good job as a closing agent and have been pushing with every ounce of energy that I can to excel with this new mortgage company. I have done good at the main job and just closed a deal that, well, let's just say is good for everyone involved. Awesome day, right?

Somehow ended up in a major blowout with the fiancee, not even sure why, she's just being very negative. In the town I lived in before she was along for the ride much of when I closed loans a long time ago before I was a closing agent and let's just say it was a roller coaster...the places I worked in weren't fully developed and I wasn't fully developed as a professional and we had some great times and some miserable ones.

Well this is different in that my job is more than just the broker stuff but I have been pushing it hard with that stuff to make everyone happy money wise. I guess due to the negative times we had in the past she feels threatened seeing me work that part of it...but the stressful times were due to bad times money wise and with this my money is guaranteed either way..and I am pushing so hard to try to get a cushion going for when she goes to grad school, etc. to support us and when I mention that I get things like a sarcastic "yeah, right" that I find so deeply offensive as it is a clear display in not trusting what I am saying. Other parts of it are infuriating too like when she says when I made good money I never gave a shit about her, and I bring up the $2500 rock on her hand (that is honestly not to brag, just to show that when I made good $ I did do some good things) and she slams the ring down on the table and storms off.

I don't even know what she wants from me. I am in the fucking sticks here where people are welders and truck drivers which I will never be and this is going well and will continue to go well due to the sick, sick hours of work that I am putting into it to try to make it work. Not to mention I have also been taking Web Design courses for the past year, will be getting my certificate for that after this semester then will pursue an Associate's degree (which I have been "kind of" offered a $65k job in NYC if I get, but it's not guaranteed) and then a Bachelor's Degree. The timing is perfect for me to crush it with this company that lets me do this work from home and I am doing exactly that.

Just wanted to vent. Should be a great day, yet there has to be negativity and drama. Love my girl been with her 9 years but this is just really bad I don't know if we can get through it if she can't be supportive emotionally.
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Stevie,
Get rid of her ungrateful ass. I'm serious. You are being abused without even knowing it. Find a girl who will appreciate you for what you do and what you can bring to the table.
 
stevek173
She has had a horrible week. She had some car probllems (which were quickly resolved), and her Government job is shitting on her some, so you probably have a good point and I can empathize with her if she tells me it's more from that than anything and then we would be Ok.

If the negativity continues though it won't go over well, not much else to say...this closing is a significant deal and the first loan I have closed as an LO in like 6 years, and then for it just to basically not matter in her mind....

There is a reason I am steering clear form her the remainder of the night. I mean Jesus.
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You see here is the deal. No man or woman should ever have to hide from their partner. EVER!!! Negative people really bother me. I can't be around them. one of my wife's sisters is the most negative person in the world, but I put my foot down and read her the riot act one day and told her to take her nagative attitude alsewhere and to never show up at my house if she is in one of her typical shitty moods. Negative people just want to bring other people down to their level. Get rid of her now Stevie!!!
 
stevek173
This is where I'm at,but it's really deeper in that. She is a beautiful wonderful person wiht a big heart always helping others, etc. it's more negativity always directed at me. I've always accepted it as a "prove yourself" kind of thing.

I just have a lot to think about I think.

I really appreciate your input though, very good stuff.
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She simply doesn't appreciate you Stevie. Wake up!!!
 
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