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Vent: Great day professionally, only my girl could burst my bubble

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stevek173

stevek173

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What is it about life that will almost never let you have that perfect day, week or month - there always has to be some gray I guess.

Long story short I have really been down and out the last 2 years since I lost a very good job as a closing agent and have been pushing with every ounce of energy that I can to excel with this new mortgage company. I have done good at the main job and just closed a deal that, well, let's just say is good for everyone involved. Awesome day, right?

Somehow ended up in a major blowout with the fiancee, not even sure why, she's just being very negative. In the town I lived in before she was along for the ride much of when I closed loans a long time ago before I was a closing agent and let's just say it was a roller coaster...the places I worked in weren't fully developed and I wasn't fully developed as a professional and we had some great times and some miserable ones.

Well this is different in that my job is more than just the broker stuff but I have been pushing it hard with that stuff to make everyone happy money wise. I guess due to the negative times we had in the past she feels threatened seeing me work that part of it...but the stressful times were due to bad times money wise and with this my money is guaranteed either way..and I am pushing so hard to try to get a cushion going for when she goes to grad school, etc. to support us and when I mention that I get things like a sarcastic "yeah, right" that I find so deeply offensive as it is a clear display in not trusting what I am saying. Other parts of it are infuriating too like when she says when I made good money I never gave a shit about her, and I bring up the $2500 rock on her hand (that is honestly not to brag, just to show that when I made good $ I did do some good things) and she slams the ring down on the table and storms off.

I don't even know what she wants from me. I am in the fucking sticks here where people are welders and truck drivers which I will never be and this is going well and will continue to go well due to the sick, sick hours of work that I am putting into it to try to make it work. Not to mention I have also been taking Web Design courses for the past year, will be getting my certificate for that after this semester then will pursue an Associate's degree (which I have been "kind of" offered a $65k job in NYC if I get, but it's not guaranteed) and then a Bachelor's Degree. The timing is perfect for me to crush it with this company that lets me do this work from home and I am doing exactly that.

Just wanted to vent. Should be a great day, yet there has to be negativity and drama. Love my girl been with her 9 years but this is just really bad I don't know if we can get through it if she can't be supportive emotionally.
 
I'm not sticking up for her by any means, but do you think that perhaps she may have just had a bad day? I am rarely in a bad mood, but if I ever get pissy about anything (which lasts maybe five minutes), it typically as something to do with the kind of shit day I had. Just put yourself in her shoes for a minute and try to figure out why she may be feeling that way.
 
It could be worse.

The Flyers could have lost in the Stanley Cup Play...

oh nevermind





Sorry, that was a low blow :redcard: I have red carded myself

I don't know much about women like that because the ones I have been with that are too much work I just leave and fucking find a new one. Though it sounds like you're more committed than I've ever been to a woman so I am probably not the guy to offer advice on this one.


Buy her a storm trooper helmet?
 
Robyn
I'm not sticking up for her by any means, but do you think that perhaps she may have just had a bad day? I am rarely in a bad mood, but if I ever get pissy about anything (which lasts maybe five minutes), it typically as something to do with the kind of shit day I had. Just put yourself in her shoes for a minute and try to figure out why she may be feeling that way.
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She has had a horrible week. She had some car probllems (which were quickly resolved), and her Government job is shitting on her some, so you probably have a good point and I can empathize with her if she tells me it's more from that than anything and then we would be Ok.

If the negativity continues though it won't go over well, not much else to say...this closing is a significant deal and the first loan I have closed as an LO in like 6 years, and then for it just to basically not matter in her mind....

There is a reason I am steering clear form her the remainder of the night. I mean Jesus.
 
Cougar Bait
It could be worse.

The Flyers could have lost in the Stanley Cup Play...

oh nevermind





Sorry, that was a low blow :redcard: I have red carded myself

I don't know much about women like that because the ones I have been with that are too much work I just leave and fucking find a new one. Though it sounds like you're more committed than I've ever been to a woman so I am probably not the guy to offer advice on this one.


Buy her a storm trooper helmet?
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ROFL nice. Cooking with Cougar FTW.
 
stevek173
She has had a horrible week. She had some car probllems (which were quickly resolved), and her Government job is shitting on her some, so you probably have a good point and I can empathize with her if she tells me it's more from that than anything and then we would be Ok.

If the negativity continues though it won't go over well, not much else to say...this closing is a significant deal and the first loan I have closed as an LO in like 6 years, and then for it just to basically not matter in her mind....

There is a reason I am steering clear form her the remainder of the night. I mean Jesus.
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Well there you go. She was having a shitty day/week/month. Maybe she just needed you to ask her how her day was and if she wanted to talk about anything. Maybe she just needed a hug? I don't know the dynamics of your relationship but if her pissy mood is uncharacteristic, then you should probably spend a few minutes and talk with her, not at her.

Now if she is the type to always be pissy and never happy for you or others, then you should seriously reconsider spending the rest of your life with her.
 
Robyn
Now if she is the type to always be pissy and never happy for you or others, then you should seriously reconsider spending the rest of your life with her.
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This is where I'm at,but it's really deeper in that. She is a beautiful wonderful person wiht a big heart always helping others, etc. it's more negativity always directed at me. I've always accepted it as a "prove yourself" kind of thing.

I just have a lot to think about I think.

I really appreciate your input though, very good stuff.
 
stevek173
This is where I'm at,but it's really deeper in that. She is a beautiful wonderful person wiht a big heart always helping others, etc. it's more negativity always directed at me. I've always accepted it as a "prove yourself" kind of thing.

I just have a lot to think about I think.

I really appreciate your input though, very good stuff.
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So she is pissy all the time about everything?

I'm not sure how old you are but people can change drastically in 9 years. There is no sense spending even one single second more with someone just because you have already invested 9 years of your life. Do you think it is going to get any better after you are married? Hell no. Get out before it's too late.
 
stevek173
I don't even know what she wants from me.
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I bet you do. I'm guessing that your job is light on base salary and heavy on commissions and you and your girl have had to deal with the uncertainty/instability of it for a while now. She'd prefer that you bring in a steady income even if it means that your income ceiling would be lower. She doesn't want to deal with that stress anymore, nor see you stressed out.

And now you're trying to rationalize the whole thing by pointing out the amount of time and energy you're putting into this, which is exactly what's pissing off your girl.
 
stevek173
This is where I'm at,but it's really deeper in that. She is a beautiful wonderful person wiht a big heart always helping others, etc. it's more negativity always directed at me. I've always accepted it as a "prove yourself" kind of thing.

I just have a lot to think about I think.

I really appreciate your input though, very good stuff.
Click to expand...

You edited your post since I first quoted it.

When you say she is a "beautiful, wonderful person with a big heart" what I am reading is "We are not the same people we were when we first met and I am not really attracted to her anymore but I would disappoint a lot of people if I broke up with her." That's what I am reading.

Do you see what I am doing here?
 
stevek173
it's more negativity always directed at me. I've always accepted it as a "prove yourself" kind of thing.
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This doesn't sound very good.

Some women aren't very good at expressing feelings properly, and it comes out as picking and groussing. It could be that you're trying to show her you love her by being a good provider and she needs to feel loved a different way and feels like she doesn't want to ask for it/doesn't know how to ask for it. Sometimes things that are so obvious to us, our motives and meanings are lost on others because, well, they're not us. I mean I'm no therapizer...oh wait, yes I am. Come, sit down on my couch.

It's hard to say, not knowing the two of you and only having read a few paragraphs. It just feels like there's a a communication disconnect in there somewhere.
 
Matt Rain
I bet you do. I'm guessing that your job is light on base salary and heavy on commissions and you and your girl have had to deal with the uncertainty/instability of it for a while now. She'd prefer that you bring in a steady income even if it means that your income ceiling would be lower. She doesn't want to deal with that stress anymore, nor see you stressed out.

And now you're trying to rationalize the whole thing by pointing out the amount of time and energy you're putting into this, which is exactly what's pissing off your girl.
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True, but the numbers are there and will continue to be. There are no good jobs out here, I mean NONE not much else I can do while I pursue my degrees.
 
Robyn
You edited your post since I first quoted it.

When you say she is a "beautiful, wonderful person with a big heart" what I am reading is "We are not the same people we were when we first met and I am not really attracted to her anymore but I would disappoint a lot of people if I broke up with her." That's what I am reading.

Do you see what I am doing here?
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Well I wouldn't go that far but we have both changed massively. I love her though and I love how she has changed...and the things that stay the same - her love of kids, her family, etc. and spending peaceful alone time with her however rare that is anymore.

A parting of ways would make a lot of people upset but by no means is that cause to keep a relationship together.
 
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