Plommy, I agree with some of this, but not all. As you said, there are exceptions. Yes, if you are more attractive, you are treated differently. However, it does catch up when a person is completely incompetent (career-wise).
It's not just women that prefer attractive men. Men prefer attractive women.
When initially seeing a person, the first perception of that person is based on their physical attributes and not whether they remember to send flowers to mom on her birthday. What I find attractive in a man is something that IAG might not find attractive. However, the physical attributes take a backseat to their personality (unless you're vapid and only care about physical appearance).
I have been on plenty of dates where I've given a guy a chance that I might not find physically attractive initially (at first glance). I have also dated guys that I thought were attractive, but they were complete jerks. So, yes - initially physical attractiveness can win. However, if they are also not "nice," they're done.
The whole submission thing...not sure how you're defining submit. I wouldn't want someone to be submissive to me, but I also am not the type of person to submit either. Are there times I let my partner get his way because I just don't feel like arguing? Sure. However, I think we have a very unconventional relationship in which we're both very independent and do our own thing. We only come together for parenting purposes. Dysfunctional? Probably.