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Oksana
I honestly don't understand how this is a big deal. Every guy I know says their one worry about dating single mums is that they don't want to parent someone else's kid. I'm saying: There's no hope in hell you'll parent mine, I don't want you to parent mine, and if you even attempt to parent mine I'll hoof you out the door. So where's the flaw in logic here?
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My point is, whoever's in your life will be a father figure by default, unless you keep your kid away every time you see the dude. Kids don't know they're supposed to look up to their biological dad - whoever's there more often will do the trick.
 
oksana-

i agree with what you said. in my situation, i have found to show as much love and stability as possible is the key.

it is really a tough situation for any guy where there is a father in place. it is not for everyone. why i respect you so much is that you are honest with the situation. that can only bring good things in regards to seth.

you are a great mom. maybe one day you will find the yin to your yang and then yang all the time.

love-

kato
 
Matty
My point is, whoever's in your life will be a father figure by default, unless you keep your kid away every time you see the dude. Kids don't know they're supposed to look up to their biological dad - whoever's there more often will do the trick.
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Exactly! "I'm an adult and you're a fetus! Go get me a beer you little boogerlicker!". That's how that'll go down.
 
Matty
My point is, whoever's in your life will be a father figure by default, unless you keep your kid away every time you see the dude. Kids don't know they're supposed to look up to their biological dad - whoever's there more often will do the trick.
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agreed.

it takes a village

I hope you also find your Wang and your Chang...... and lotsa great babysitters....

so you can have fun tonight!!!

 
Swarmy
So......here I go making friends again. Basically, you want a guy who will take not only your shit but your kids too! Good luck with that one.
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Why would I be offended by this? But no, I never really doled out much shit to begin with when I didn't have a kid. Now that I have one, even more so. Kind of helps to put things into perspective... the few things I used to get loopy about before just seem so silly now. So yeah, if I do get together with someone again, I want them to be happy to take no shit and thinks that's normal. Whether it's from me or from my child (whom they wouldn't meet until we were months into it anyway). But unless I'm meeting the wrong type of guys constantly, all of this nonsense they spew is just that. Try to segregate them from that part of your life and don't "need" them, and it all goes pear-shaped. Not everyone's a stereotype Swarmy, and I'm starting to think that stereotype's a bit wonky as it is.
 
kato
oksana-

i agree with what you said. in my situation, i have found to show as much love and stability as possible is the key.

it is really a tough situation for any guy where there is a father in place. it is not for everyone. why i respect you so much is that you are honest with the situation. that can only bring good things in regards to seth.

you are a great mom. maybe one day you will find the yin to your yang and then yang all the time.

love-

kato
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thank you darling

the one stable thing in seth's life will always be me. i don't want to be rescued and he doesn't need a dad. if someone came alone whom after a few years i thought would be a great mentor, buddy, etc... fair enough. but hell no... not anytime soon and it would have to be a pretty f'n amazing guy. if all of my guy friends have been full of shit for this long and really they need to be a part of the whole family unit, then so be it... i'll stay alone until i have to. it's hard enough to balance out what i think is good parenting with seth's dad as it is. i'm not throwing someone else in the mix just to complicate matters.
 
And I should clarify, this is not me being some feminist martyr who doesn't like men. There's a reason I waited until I was 34 to have a child and had my career sorted to the point where I knew I could pop back in there and had money in the bank. I didn't want to be one of those women who needed anyone. When I want to be with someone and they want to be with me, I'll do my best to make it work. But I knew what I was getting into by choosing to do this alone... I was merely commenting above that there are a few fleeting moments where I think that it'd be nice to have someone around to see what I'm seeing.
 
MonkeyF0cker
I have been known to do that from time to time.
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:lmao: I think I probably picked this up from you, you prick!!!

I'm debating about betfair over at RBS and I could give a shit about them. I actually believe what I'm posting but 99% of the time I'd just think it and then be like meh, can't be fucked posting. I'm blaming this on you.
 
Oksana
And I should clarify, this is not me being some feminist martyr who doesn't like men. There's a reason I waited until I was 34 to have a child and had my career sorted to the point where I knew I could pop back in there and had money in the bank. I didn't want to be one of those women who needed anyone. When I want to be with someone and they want to be with me, I'll do my best to make it work. But I knew what I was getting into by choosing to do this alone... I was merely commenting above that there are a few fleeting moments where I think that it'd be nice to have someone around to see what I'm seeing.
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Unfortunately, for someone who wouldn't be considered a father figure to your child, I think it would be hard for them to find nearly as much joy and excitement in it as you would. That's the difficulty that I have with dating single mothers anyway.
 
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