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Nah man she knows the door's been open and she could not have been more considerate about making the fact clear that she ain't putting her foot back in it, and I can't say I blame her when on the other side is a piece of shit who can never appreciate a good thing until it's gone, and she was the best. I don't know if seeing her in that sweatshirt brought my subconscious out of denial into whatever's next but she is the most beautiful thing I have ever seen and I just hope that shirt is warm enough for her. Reno I've been posting with you long enough and since I did that I have wondered if I am so fucking stupid for it if there is a point to my being, every day is just the same fucking nightmare and most stupidly of all it is self inflicted.

Also I guess I just left my bag with my bread, fruit and salad in it at Walmart so I am sitting here eating a bare chicken with nothing to go with it so that's just fucking awesome too.

Rock and fucking roll, go Blue Jays.
 
There is no practical advantage. I've gone through life so far with only western utensils, and I have not gone hungry due to inability to negotiate the eating of something.

I've never watched someone using chopsticks and marveled at how much more on-point it is, consumption-wise.

As for non-practical considerations, perhaps it just feels neat? Something to be able to do? Cultural authenticity and whatnot?


:dunno:
 
Had a moment of self-discovery earlier.

I left my apartment and was walking down the hall. I heard something that sounded like Darth Vader breathing.

I first noticed as I walked past one door - so I figured it was coming from something inside there - but lo and behold, there was another "breath" as I passed the next door. That made no sense.

I stopped. I have never known my actual building to sound like Darth Vader breathing. Here is the actual thought I was having as I stopped and listened carefully.

"Maybe I have finally gone mad."

Completely in earnest. Not trying to be funny and amuse myself.

I was not scared or upset. Very matter-of-fact. Audio hallucinations now happening ---> okay.

Turns out there were odd noises coming from somewhere. Pipes I guess.

Interesting though, how casually I was ready to just go with it.
 
I can't smile on demand. Not good at it at all.

Like if someone is pointing a camera and they say smile - and I want to smile - and I try - once in awhile it comes out okay but usually it just looks like a forced smile.

That's why I can't be a model.

Maybe not the only reason.
 
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