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I need to vent

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Cami

Cami

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Dec 27, 2011
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I feel guilty. a friend of mine helped me out when I moved back home with a place to live. I pay to rent a room from her, but the problem is I am hardly there. (i am looking for my own place). I try to be home at least one day a week to spend time and I help with her dog. I feel bad because I don't spend much time there or with her, I spend the majority of the time with my boyfriend. She says she understands and doesn't mind anything....but I still feel bad. I am constantly between wanting to spend time with him, but feeling obligated to spend time with her. It's necessarily that I don't want to spend time with her, as much as I am tired of having to split my time between people and schedule time with them....well with her. I feel like if I don't try to spend at least one day a week at home with her I am being a bad friend and taking advantage of her, which is not my intentions at all.
I used to spend more time with her, and less with him, and then eventually that started to change.

This is why I hate living with other people.....I don't like feeling like I am being a bad friend by not being there more often, I don't like feeling obligated, and I don't like that I don't have complete freedom.

It was easier when she had a man too, she didn't care then.

I am grateful for her and her family, and what they have done for me. helping me get my life back. I guess that's where I end up feeling guilty, damned if I do and damned if I don't...because of them helping me. I don't like feeling that way either. I suck.

My life feels like a constant balancing act and it's getting tiring. something has got to give.

and while I am at it - this whole finding a place thing sucks. saving up for first months rent and deposit, not to mention I now have to replace everything I ever owned thanks to a certain someone.

and those are just a couple of the stresses. I need a break from my life.
 
I've been trying to make that happen for a while. Schedule conflicts and he's been sick a lot lately.

I keep thinking to myself, why the fuck am I spending x-amount of money for a place that I am only at like once a week?! Shit might as well just move in with him at this point, although that's a whole nother situation in of itself. I can't win for loosing right now. :endoftheworld:
 
Apparently you like your boyfriend and your friend seems nice. Doesn't sound like you can't win for losing. You also said you LOVE your job. And you probably didn't bet Atlanta in the Super Bowl. :dunno: plus your health seems ok
 
My mom just called. her mother juts passed. I am sad for my mom and her siblings. I will try to make it to the funeral to pay my respects and say goodby. Although I have zero desire to deal with "my family", but I want to do that and to be there for my mom. She's going to need me. sigh
 
I had to go back and reread the first post. I would have guessed from the tone of things that you weren't paying rent - but you are.

No reason for guilt as far as that. Not taking advantage. You should be able to be away as much as you want.

I dunno. People get in relationships and see their friends less. It's a story as old as time. In other words, completely natural.

It doesn't sound like this friend is super needy and placing demands/expectations on you. I don't get the feeling you made specific commitments that you are now breaking.

Maybe I'm an unfeeling bastard but I don't see anything wrong in what you are describing. Be happy.

Everybody be happy.
 
Mudcat
I had to go back and reread the first post. I would have guessed from the tone of things that you weren't paying rent - but you are.

No reason for guilt as far as that. Not taking advantage. You should be able to be away as much as you want.

I dunno. People get in relationships and see their friends less. It's a story as old as time. In other words, completely natural.

It doesn't sound like this friend is super needy and placing demands/expectations on you. I don't get the feeling you made specific commitments that you are now breaking.

Maybe I'm an unfeeling bastard but I don't see anything wrong in what you are describing. Be happy.

Everybody be happy.
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Well thank you for that. That seems to be the con census. She is not needy and doesn't make demands and I don't fall through on things. I guess a part juts feels bad I am not around as much I think maybe I should be. but that's on me. We are trying to make plans to get everyone together in a group like once a month that way everyone is happy.

I think for me right now it's more so feeling overwhelmed and pulled in so many directions with everything that is going on in my life. work, friends, family, responsibilities....I know it's part of life and whatnot, but I need a break. shit.

reno cool
yeah, and keep your place. You don't wanna be dependent on another yahoo
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He is no yahoo. He is as equally independent as I am. He takes care of himself. as do I. Our biggest arguments are over who is paying for things that day. We wouldn't mind moving in together and splitting the rent and bills, but are in no rush either. and unlike past people, he is very supportive and encouraging of me and my daughters. we both have the same goals in life as far as family, careers, personal goals, etc. He is a much better fit for me. But trust me, I have no intentions, and this no offense to anyone, of ever being in a position where I am dependent on another person, ever the fuck again. I need to be able to be good on my own, if we can be good together, cool...but at the end of the day we both have to be good on our own.
 
There is no funeral being held for my gram. Just a service at the group home they lived at. My mom is not flying in for it. her and her siblings will have their own service when she comes home in the spring. So I likely will not be going either....I wasn't super close to her and my mothers family hates me...has practically disowned me. so fuck it. I guess.
 
So I am pretty sure his ex just moved in right around the corner from him. Neither of us are happy about that. From what I hear she is an immature drama queen. Hope she keeps to herself cause I don't want nothing to do with any of it.
 
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