Lexapro. It saved me. I had to switch to Cymbalta because the Lexapro stopped working. They said it happens sometimes. I wouldn't recommend Cymbalta if you can go a different way, it has some pretty nasty and long lasting side effects when you choose to get off of it. I finally admitted that I had to do something drastic when I was convinced that I was dragging Mr. X down and he'd be much happier with a more well adjusted girl. I was actually picking out women for him in my head. I think I wrote about it all somewhere around here. Alot of OCD thinking and darkness.
I didn't want to get on anything. It makes me upset to think that there is something wrong with my brain that's out of my control. The alcohol and drugs that I choose....that was a different story. I alter my mind on my terms goddamnit.
I'm off of it all after a few years and am better for it. I had a doctor a while ago tell me that just being on a drug like this for a short time can have long lasting effects because it retrains the pathways of your brain. It just won't default to death and destruction automatically since they're will be a different path to follow instead of chugging down the well worn, deep set ruts of misery. Through my experience, the theory seemed to hold water.
I think alot of this is just a reaction to the unnaturalness of how we live. So, it's probably pretty normal to be this fucked up, but who wants to live this way or alternately give up the internet, tv, cars, junk food, artificial light...... We're just big monkeys. We're supposed to be hanging out in a small tribe grooming each other and eating grass and leaves all day.
So, my two cents. I feel your pain. Let me know if you need anymore info, want to talk about it more, or just want to call me a Fag. I'm always here.
