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I bought a pineapple

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Fuck it. I ain't doing it.

I thought I would try a little departure from my usual weekly hardcore ice cream snack - and try a fruity sorbet. So I bought a 2 liter bucket of Tropical Wave which has pineapple (see how I'm on topic?) and other stuff. That would presumably last 4 or 5 weeks.

No. That sorbet is not who I am. Tried a couple half-bowls of it over a couple weeks. No.

The bucket is currently sitting in my sink on its side, melting down the drain.

In the freezer is a bucket of ice cream. Hardcore ice cream. Talkin' ice cream that is sitting on a Harley wearing a leather jacket just waiting for someone to look at it the wrong fucking way.

So fuck you.
 
(As always I make all due apologies to the starving kids in West Virginia. I hate to waste anything edible knowing they're out there. But getting 1.65 liters of sorbet to them, in the absence of transporter technology, is just not practical.)
 
So I just went over there and opened the freezer door.

"The fuck you lookin' at, fruit cup?" said my ice cream.

"I'd just like to put some of you in a bowl and eat it, "I said. "If that's okay."

"Okay. Just no funny stuff."

"Well I'd like to squirt some strawberry syrup on top."

"Acceptable."
 
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Thinking of you, bud.