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Die Antwoord

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(Skip over to Sleigh Bells if you don't care for faggottity pre-show shenanigans)

Getting in
There was zero media coverage for the show and Montreal is going through its immensely large and popular Just for Laughs comedy festival, so I thought it would be no big deal to get tickets at the door, especially since there were only 57 tickets sold when I called the venue at 3pm. So we show up some 90 minutes early to buy tickets. Big SOLD OUT sign. Turns out it's a tiny 200-capacity place and late word-of-mouth made the tickets disappear in a matter of minutes. Noooooo! This can't be happening! I load Craigslist on my phone and find 6 ads for tickets - WANTED ads. The first one is offering $200 for a pair. The second is offering, OMG, $1,200 for a pair. :loco: This ain't happening!

All hope is not lost though cause my friend Phil The Outrageously Gay Guy is in his element - we're smack in the middle of the Gay Village and he's a semi-TV-celebrity. So he starts tapping into his resources (tee hee), in this case a pair of drag queens who seemingly hang out in the Village 24/7. First one is an 80-something queen (who I'm later told was one of the very first trannies to get the operation done in Canada - back in the 50's doctors would perform the surgery clandestinely and the newly-engineered woman was then left to her own devices... that particular man/woman had to be treated for months by a bunch of benevolent nuns.) Anyway, he/she cannot track down any tickets, so we move on to an actual drag bar, Cabaret Mado, by far the most famous one in Montreal. Hilarious and very upbeat place where the crowd is mostly comprised of bewildered straight tourists. I'm not a tourist but I'm bewildered all the same. So that one waiter/waitress hugs Phil then he/she makes a call after we explain our predicament. The concierge of a boutique hotel in Old Montreal has a pair of tickets in his hands - YES! Problem is, he's got a couple of rich newlyweds who promised to pay SIXTEEN HUNDRED CANADIAN TOMATOES for them ($44 total face value :biglaugh:). It's looking very bleak at this point. Our last hope is to find someone in front of the venue who had to change plans at the last minute and doesn't know about the current skyrocketing market conditions. The drag bar is really close to the venue and I can spot a guy who is standing out as a scalper type. We walk up to him, trying to keep our cool.

Scalper - Any tickets for sale?
Me - Oh. Nah, we were hoping to buy a pair.
Scalper - Well there's this guy over there who is selling a pair, but he wants sixty bucks a piece.
Me - WHERE? WHERE IS HE?
Scalper - Come with me.

I shoved the money in the guy's hands as soon as I reached him, we got the tickets and we promptly entered the place. SCOOOOOORE!

Sleigh Bells
The opening act was absolutely badass. I immediately fell in love with the lead singer chick who shrieked into the mic, shaked her ass and headbanged the whole 40 minute set like she was possessed. Think Zach de la Rocha meets Shakira. OMG. She was accompanied by a lone electric guitarist (2 Marshall amps and four 4x12 cabinets, Jimi Hendrix style) and a fully electronic rhythm section. If I ever start making music again, this is what I wanna do so I don't have to deal with a tall guy with learning disabilities (bassist) and a professional wife-beater (drummer). 8.5 Matty Rains out of 10 for Sleigh Bells.


Die Antwoord
Once we saw the roadies setting up the DJ's table - 2 turntables and 2 Macbooks, we realized that DJ Hi-Tek probably hadn't made the trip (for the unitiated, DJ Hi-Tek makes his next-level beats on a PC computer) and indeed, he was replaced by an unknown skinny guy who was never introduced to the crowd. Tiny Yo-landi Vi$$er then stormed the stage - all hell broke loose and we had yet to hear a beat. Then this gigantic Gumby-like figure jumped out of nowhere while screaming MONTREEEAAAAAAAALLLLLL!!! and the trio immediately launched into their Interweb hit Enter The Ninja. Chaos. Unbelievable amounts of bass frequencies that tested everyone's bone structure and overall constitution. Seriously. While walking behind the sound tech to go at the bar, you could see the dB meter reaching 145db peaks. That is NOT good but OMG is it ever satisfying when pure electronic drum bass rips your head off.

Ninja and Yo-landi are absolute animals on stage. For a band whose image and "culture" are entirely bogus and satirical, I don't think they can be topped in terms of authenticity. Phenomenal onstage presence. But then between two songs Ninja broke character and he showed clear signs that the hectic world tour was starting to take its toll. He asked what were those glow sticks that a few people were holding up, ordering two of them to throw the sticks to him. He then observed one closely as if he were having a dull moment alone in his living room, then he seemed to remember that he had a show to give, so he put one in his mouth as if it were a cigarette, clowned around for a few seconds then he threw the sticks back in the crowd (Give them back to those guys... come on, don't fight.) and the show resumed. Later on, he would asked the crowd where Montreal was on the map - ...is it British Columbia? People laughed even though the question was 100% genuine. Ninja be confused a little bit.

The highlight of the show was Beat Boy, which is an 8-minute rave party. The first crowd-surfer of the night jumped up on stage and, in a very surreal moment, he dropped down his pants before diving backwards into the crowd. He lasted 2 or 3 seconds on top of the creeped-out crowd who could clearly see him stroking himself. :biglaugh: Not sure what happened to that guy afterwards.

Once the set was over (in 45 minutes? It was barely longer than the opening act) Phil schmoozed the MuchMusic (Canadian MTV) producer to get us backstage access, which was granted, but we were to stay behind the cameras at all times while MuchMusic was taping some documentary on the band. With no possibility of interaction, we decided to fok off and continued drinking in the Village, which I have to admit was a blast. Gay karaoke is a lot less funny than its non-gay variety though - these faggots sing and harmonize perfectly in tune.

Anyway, the whole night was over way too quickly but it had the positive effect of sending us on our way with our jaws dropped. It was an unbelievable show. I don't even like hip-hop outside of a bunch of Eminem and Kanye songs, but that was up there with the very best live performances I've seen in my life, probably in the Top 5. It was that good. If you have any inclination to have a good time and are not afraid to step out of your element (Die Antwoord is basically its own element, there's nothing quite like it out there, at least not in the semi-mainstream realm), this is a must-see. 9.4 Matty Rains, .1 short of Sonic Youth at the Metropolis in 2000. Seriously.
 
Matt Rain, It is now my mission to come to Montreal before you leave for Toronto and hang out with you and Phil. When are you leaving for Toronto?

Mr. X, can we make this happen? Mr. X, will you come with me? Mr. X where are our passports?
 
Mrs. X
Matt Rain, It is now my mission to come to Montreal before you leave for Toronto and hang out with you and Phil. When are you leaving for Toronto?

Mr. X, can we make this happen? Mr. X, will you come with me? Mr. X where are our passports?
Click to expand...

That would be awesome - I'm here until September 1st. I'll check out what's happening over the next month. Let's liaise, X'es!
 
She be fokken cute. Their album is great, will buy it in legit-mp3 or CD form.

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