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Mudcat
So my mum has officially started to suffer from dementia. Not a surprise. Her mother had progressive Alzheimers for the last 10 years of her life, and I have seen little signs in my mum for awhile.

But it is, as I say, official. She has spells. She sometimes believes she has 3 cats. (She has 1.) But she talks to my dad like she is sure she has 3 - and then after the fact she remembers how she was so sure of the delusion.

So it goes.
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. Have you (she) thought about some dementia slowing medication?
 
Don't know. We are actually having a 60th anniversary celebration this weekend so the whole famn damily will be together.

I guess I will get a view of the current state of things.

A meds rundown is not the kind of thing we would typically talk about. We are not a touchy feely family. We are careful of each others' space. Not saying that's good, bad or indifferent - that's just how it is. Probing her about meds? I'll play that one by ear.

Big picture, we have all had perfectly good medical care forever so I have no concern she won't have her options explained to her.
 
Mudcat
Don't know. We are actually having a 60th anniversary celebration this weekend so the whole famn damily will be together.

I guess I will get a view of the current state of things.

A meds rundown is not the kind of thing we would typically talk about. We are not a touchy feely family. We are careful of each others' space. Not saying that's good, bad or indifferent - that's just how it is. Probing her about meds? I'll play that one by ear.

Big picture, we have all had perfectly good medical care forever so I have no concern she won't have her options explained to her.
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We weren't exactly a "touchy feely" family per se either, but someone ultimately will want to be aware of and monitor what medications she is taking (other than her dr) if she is suffering from dementia. If she is aware of the problem, she may or may not seek out help, if she is unaware of the problem, she obviously will not. Many dementia patients don't realize they have it. My experience is that there are medications that are helpful in slowing down the symptoms of Alzheimers. In the earliest of stages my mom was in denial and refused to take medicine (I think it had to do with stigma also), but once she went to memory care, they ordered Aricept for her and she was in no position to decline. I called them her "memory pills." She seemed satisfied with that.

My mom remained her same sweet non complaining self to the end. ..this is rare. agitation, paranoia, and violent outbursts are more common.

On a related unrelated note, if you have never been present when someone you love passes, you should try to be. It was a beautiful spiritual kind of experience..not necessary of a religious variety...very hard to explain. I have always been scared of death...mine and others, but at least in mom's case, it was a beautiful thing to witness. That probably only applies if your loved one has been suffering for some time from a terminal sort of illness (esp something like Parkinson's or Alzheimer's and you are sad, but thankful they are free.) You can pretty much go down the checklist of signs and know it is coming very soon. The nurses told me it was probably "soon" but I didn't know if that meant days or weeks and they were hesitant to commit to a time frame. I let go of her hand for 5 minutes while I was googling "How long does active dying last?" I was reading a message board where a guy was exhausted because hospice was telling him "this is the day" for two weeks. I was literally thinking how I hope that isn't the case for mom and right when I looked up I noticed she had very peacefully just stopped breathing. I think she waited until I had left her side to go. It was just a matter of minutes when I left the bediside to go to the other side of the room and sit quietly in a chair. Also the day before I apologized for being a bratty kid and forgave her for anything she felt bad about with regard to our relationship. I told her it was ok to go..all the things you are "supposed" to do. ..give them "permission" to leave and let them know you will be ok. I had tried that before, but not without breaking down. I think she was finally convinced.

I guess I was expecting some deathbed vision or something more dramatic (loud) She essentially just died in her sleep right in front of me. She never opened her eyes at all that morning, but I asked her for one last smile and she summoned all her strength and gave me an ever so slight (but definitely there) smile. I have that on video..her last smile. The sense of hearing is the last to go btw. They can hear you til the end, so be careful what you say in their presence. She also talked some in repetition which I won't go into, but was a definite message to me. I'm still very sad and have been crying off and on since the service, but I guess I know for all intents of purposes that my mom died long ago, and I have been grieving for a very long time before her final passing.

Being born so late in life to my parents, I am going thru this much earlier than many of my friends (although with mom living to 89 many actually lost their mothers earlier than me) One day you youngins are going to have to be faced with all this stuff. I hope it isn't Alzheimers, but if it is, I am always here to answer any questions. I have lived and breathed it for years and implemented many things that were helpful in helping mom remain verbal to the end...which again, is very rare. She could talk and read up until her death. Some of these strategies were praised by her doctors and implemented at a local memory care. Most are applicable to later stages so no wisdom for MC other than she should be evaluated by a geriatric doctor to see if she really has Alz (which can only be truly diagnosed by a pet/cat scan) and then think about appropriate medications...the earlier you start those the better. It's a lot more than forgetting where your car keys are. It's not a pretty disease. Knowledge is power.

Thank you for indulging me in that cathartic written exercise.

Also, curious, does the government pay for skilled nursing facilities in Canada? They don't here...I'm talking about true "nursing homes." Here they run average of $8-10k per MONTH I think for a tiny little shared room. For an extra $13 day you can have a private room which shows you that you are not paying for the bleak accomodations, but the care. These are not the nice fancy assisted living places that don't look like bad places to live. This is where you go at the end...We were lucky to get into one of the best in town, and there was still a lot to be desired. Dying no longer scares me much,but ending up in the "warehouse" does.
 
Holy crap I typed quite the diatribe.

Bacon, I know you are kidding abut the bloody part, but you really should have that checked out. I have to get my kidneys checked out too ..probably going next week. I'll cross you off my potential donor list Bacon.
 
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