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so my son had one of those fake wakeups before he actually wakes up. very manic-y and just wanted me to blow this long kind of whistle toy into his face for a bit over an hour. so i'd blow it, he'd giggle and repeat. and then i'd try to hide the stupid thing behind my back but he'd go find it and put it back in my mouth.
and i thought of this thread during it. i relate to bread alot when he talks about the reality of life. i don't always say it because i try to just remain happy and positive but that's the stuff that upsets me when my life is quiet enough so i can think. i don't want to die. i don't mind getting old but i just can't imagine the world functioning when i'm not there. i don't want my son not to have a mom. i have no parents any more and i'm a fruit loop so i kind of could use them right now. i'd like to stay around forever for my kid. so i'd appreciate it if you math nerds could figure out a way for me to do that instead of worrying about trying to beat a book on an off line. kthx xoxo
Sorry to hear you have some of the same thoughts regarding the bigness/craziness of it all
It's nuts though isn't it?
To tackle the OP's original question...who knows? Like you say....a kid gets hit by a bus and you hear people say that it reminds them to cherish every moment. It reminds you that life is short. But you ask someone who has lived a lengthy human life...say over 70 years....but they were a miserable fucking 70 years. Insert your own example here. I bet that person would say they've lived way too long.
It's just so hard to differentiate the uniqueness of it all to each individual.
On a different realm, but still similar....how big is all of it? Sometimes I find myself caught up in my head like it really is all there is that exists. I know that's silly. But I can get lost in my own complexities. It's like my immediate surroundings at that very second are all that matter. Because truthfully, they are all that matter. Once my eyes shut it all ends as far as I'm concerned does it not? But then I recall that I'm so miniscule. I do not even register. My thoughts, my interactions, my beliefs, my experiences...are nothing.
Absolutely nothing.
And it freaks me out.
We have been told since our existence to enjoy every moment, make them all count. But we are reminded so often that our moments will ultimately amount to nothing. It's all a big joke.
But we have three choices once you realize this.
You placate yourself and smile at strangers and masturbate your inner narcissist.
You reinvent the hermit/loner/cat lady role that seemed so funny to you as a kid. Now? It sounds more like an acceptable escape for those who tire of keeping up with placation nation.
You end it before it ends you.
There are no happy endings. This is all one drawn out Old Yeller movie. When will Arliss show up with his big ole' shotgun? I dunno.
Everytime I hear a loud unexpected sound outside my door at night, I immediately think of stories I've read about home invasions, and husbands being tied up and beaten and forced to watch their wife raped and murdered. Then I also take a deep breath and I think to myself that of course, that's not going to happen. I'm being silly. Am I really worried about this when the fact of the matter is that I'm currently sitting on a giant spinning ball that rotates around a big ball of fire in a numberless universe? Common.
Go Royals.