When Keepin' It Real Goes Wrong

Something went dreadfully wrong in Kansas City this past weekend.

The Royals kept it real.

For my really, really white readers (Robyn), urbandictionary.com defines “keep it real” as:

To not be fake. Be yourself. To not inhibit yourself or pretend to be something you are not. A term used to define the "realocity" of an individual. Often used to describe how "tough" one is.

Other acceptable versions include “Keep it realz,” “I keeps it real,” and of course “Oh you know I gots to keeps it real, dog!” Basically, you ain’t no sellout. Usually I’m all for such a positive message, urging one to stay true to one’s self. Until it goes all wrong.


Before comedian Dave Chappelle completely lost his marbles, one of his most hilarious skits from his show was called “When Keeping It Real Goes Wrong.” You can see for yourself here the troubles that keeping it real can sometimes bring.

http://www.comedycentral.com/videos/...eal-goes-wrong

So now that we all get it, let’s talk about the Kansas City Royals, and their sad decision to keepz it real. Oopsie!

The Chicago White Sox were in town, and behind Jake Peavy, they were penciled in as -140 favorites to beat the hometown team. The setting: bottom of the first, no score, K.C. with a man on first and second, two outs. The always spunky Jose Guillen at the plate. Peavy lets one fly and it veers right into Guillen’s forearm. It didn’t look like it felt too good.

At the time, I didn’t think much of it. It could certainly prove to be a costly mistake as it loaded the bases, and brought up Alberto Callaspo who is a pretty solid hitter in his own right. And wouldn’t you guess it, Callaspo cleared the bases with a double. 3-0 Royals.

Enter the top of the second inning. One pitch to Paul Konerko and one out. And that, my friends, is when pitcher Luke Hochevar decided, to keep it realz.

With one out, Alex Rios at the plate and the bottom of the order due up, Hochevar drilled Rios. It was blatant retaliation for what seemed to be an accidental hit batsman on his side. This is all a part of baseball. You keeps it real for your teammates. I happened to be watching the White Sox broadcast team, and even they didn’t seem upset by the move. They stated that this is what you have to do to protect your own players. Apparently, the balance had been restored in MLB gangsta land. Hooray.

And then, the Royals paid what would prove to be a heavy price for their misguided meatheadidness. A stolen base and 2-out single by Alexi Ramirez later, and Rios had scored. Royals 3, Sox 1.

To most teams, this wouldn’t be any bother. But when you are the KANSAS CITY FREAKIN’ ROYALS, sitting in last place in the A.L. Central, fourth-worst record in the majors, well you might want to think twice about conceding even one run in the name keeping it real. What a collective group of busted ass thugs.

Of course Chicago went on to win the game by one run, 5-4. That was a given. Had it gone to extra innings, who knows what might’ve been. But the Royals keptz it reelz, and that seemed to be all that mattered. No recaps anywhere mentioned the fact that the winning run could’ve been prevented, if not for a group of millionaires tripping over their own machismo. So your player got hit by a pitch. Get over it. You were rewarded by having that player cross the plate. Fairies.

Now I’m not telling you that you shouldn’t always stick up for your friends and colleagues, because you should. If you ever have a close co-worker get fired from your job, march right up to your boss and open-hand bitchslap him right in the face. Then demand a raise. Because keeping it real is not only the honorable thing to do, but it always works in your favor. Just ask the 15-24 Kansas City.